Day 134, 135, 136 – May 13th, 14th & 15th, 2020

Hellooooo! Okay so, super, super, super, amazing, wonderful, awesome news first: 

I JUST FINISHED THE FIRST CHAPTER OF MY BOOOKKKKK AHHHHHHHHH WHEEEEEEE WAAAAAAAAHH WOOOOOOOOOOO- 

LMAO. 

I’m so excited, so thrilled, so happy, and just tingling all over with elation. Holy crap. I finally did it. HERE WE GOOOOOOOOOOOOO 

Honestly, it’s also hugely in part to the magic of the Universe, and Elizabeth Gilbert’s book. I can’t explain it, but it’s almost as though the Universe is directly speaking to me through her book. Like, every single doubt or qualm I had about writing my book or truly embracing my creativity, she’s addressing each and every one of those one by one in her chapters. It’s uncanny. It makes my armpits prickle with nervousness and excitement. I’m not kidding. 

Like, take this excerpt for example from her chapter of “Originality vs. Authenticity”: 

“Maybe you fear that you are not original enough. Maybe that’s the problem – you’re worried that your ideas are commonplace and pedestrian, and therefore unworthy of creation. Aspiring writers will often tell me, “I have an idea, but I’m afraid it’s already been done.” Well, yes, it probably has already been done. Most things have already been done – but they have not yet been done by you.

So what if we repeat the same themes? So what if we circle around the same ideas, again and again, generation after generation? So what if every new generation feels the same urges and asks the same questions that humans have been feeling and asking for years? We’re all related, after all, so there’s going to be some repetition of creative instinct. Everything reminds us of something. But once you put your own expression and passion behind an idea, that idea becomes yours.

Just say what you want to say, then say it with all your heart. Share whatever you’re driven to share. If it’s authentic enough, believe me – it will feel original.” 

Wow. That was one of my exact fears. I was scared that the overall message of my book, which is self-love, has been done to death and that it wouldn’t seem original as a result. But she’s so absolutely right. I’m trying to be as authentic as I can in my writing, and therefore, it is me, and I am unique, therefore my story is also unique and original in itself. 

Another excerpt that resonated with me is from her chapter on “Motives”: 

“You are not required to save the world with your creativity. Your art not only doesn’t have to be original, in other words; it doesn’t have to be important. For example: whenever anybody tells me that they want to write a book in order to help other people, I always think, oh, please don’t. 

Please don’t try to help me. 

I mean, it is very kind of you to want to help people, but please don’t make it your sole creative motive, because we will feel the weight of your heavy intention, and it will put a strain upon our souls. 

Your own reasons to create are reason enough. Merely by pursuing what you love, you may inadvertently end up helping us plenty. (“There is no love which does not become help”, taught the theologian Paul Tillich.) Do whatever brings you to life, then. Follow your own fascinations, obsessions, and compulsions. Trust them. Create whatever causes a revolution in your heart. 

The rest of it will take care of itself.” 

Man, I love how honestly she writes. It’s everything I need to hear. 

I think that’s a big part of what was blocking my writing. I was so stuck on this idea that I was writing a self-help book, and it primarily had to be focused on helping people. But, she’s right. I don’t want to shove advice down people’s throats or speak to them as if I know everything – I don’t. What I want to do, above and beyond anything else, is just simply share my story. I want to ask questions that provoke reflection, but I also want to do so from a place of genuine sincerity rather than come off preachy or condescending. 

And so, I will! That’s it, that’s as simple as it gets. I’m going to use my logs because I was writing those logs for me. I was writing to save myself. And I did! So I’m hoping that my story, the words I wrote down, will help someone or have some relate to what I went through without telling people how to feel or what to think. 

THANK YOU UNIVERSE THANK YOU FOR BELIEVING IN MEEEE!

Another wonderful, affirming synchronicity that just occured: I tweeted that I finished the first chapter of my book, THE book, my dream, and that I wanted to cry. A couple moments later, I noticed I had a new follower. I checked out of curiosity who it was, and… 

It’s a woman who edits and publishes books!!! Namely… SELF-HELP/SPIRITUAL BOOKS!! SUCH AS THE FOUR AGREEMENTS BY DON MIGUEL RUIZ!! And you wanna know what her business is called/what she calls herself??!?!?

“The Book Angel”. 

:’) 

I don’t know if this is the outlet for me and my book, but it’s a start!! Maybe she’ll be the way for me to get my book published/marketed, who knows!!! I have every faith that whatever is meant to be, will be, and that the Universe will guide me accordingly. Just… what are the odds, you know!!?!?! It’s amazing, it’s magic, and my heart is so happy and excited. I’m so tempted to message her, but I only have my first chapter done. I think when I’ve finished my first draft and it’s been edited by those closest to me and polished, then I will see what my gut says. 

THIS IS SO EXCITING!!!!! 

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOUUUUUUUU UNIVERSEEEEEEEE AHHHHHHHH

Okay, that’s it for today! I wrote my first chapter, I wrote my log, I read my book, and my brain has had its fill of love and creativity. Now, it’s Friday evening and I’m ready to unwind with Adrian, eat some pizza and maybe smoke a little bit, hehe. 

My heart is truly so grateful. I’m still a little scared – my fear is still there, lurking beneath the surface, looking at me nervously from afar while it wrings its hands and paces to and fro. But it’s okay, because this bus, the bus I’m driving now with faith and hope in tow, is headed for great and wonderful things. 

Love always and infinitely, 

Me.

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