Day 139 to 146 – May 18th to 25th, 2020

Oops! It’s been about a week since I’ve written last, BUT, nothing majorly eventful has happened since I last wrote. In fact, it’s been a pretty great week! We ended up spontaneously going to the cottage again this past weekend, and the weather was finally hot enough for us to actually go swimming. The water was still pretty damn cold, but the air was warm enough that it actually felt refreshing to dip into the water here and there. I have a tan for what feels like the first time since I went to Aruba, LOL. That vitamin D though! 

Anyways, I’m also about a week away from my June 1st deadline for my book and… well… I only still have the first chapter, heh. Time has been slipping away from me lately. But, on the bright side, I had some of my cousins read my first chapter and the feedback I received was heart-warming and super affirming too; I know that I don’t have anything to fear when it comes to getting my message across. 

I’m sure inspiration will strike again soon, and chapter 2 will be born. I’m excited! I’ve really enjoyed the process so far. But I want it to flow and feel organic rather than forced. At the same time, I know it’s important to be dedicated to my craft and work at it tirelessly. I guess you could say that I’m trying to find my balance between the two. 

I did finish my painting though! It was bittersweet – I enjoyed the process so much that I almost felt sad to end my paint project; that was a new feeling for me. I never realized how much I enjoy the “doing” part of the things I take on. Maybe that’s why I never quite finish anything that I start. Because I have so much fun starting things. 

My creativity has been inspiring me at every turn lately. I’ve gotten back to writing fiction, writing in general, painting, and now I even want to get back into makeup, LMAO. Only because I actually genuinely miss doing my makeup every day. But like, how fun would it be to get contact lenses and wigs and reaaaaally go ham with it!?!? 

I might actually, honestly. I have so much time to do whatever the heck I want. 

I was thinking about stuff. So, my coworkers have all gone back to work, as our store officially opened this past Friday. But, because I don’t work for the store and since I’m vendor-paid, I’m not required to go back for up to 30 days after the opening. Chances are, I may be allowed to go back at the end of June. 

Here’s the thing though. I don’t want to go back. 

I’m getting more money from the government than I do working almost full-time hours. Not to mention, I’m actually SAVING a ton of money from NOT going into work because of how often I Ubered to and from work on a daily basis and not spending money on food (minus the random splurges on UberEats here and there, hehe). But yeah. I’m making more money than I usually do and saving it all, all by NOT working. It’s the fucking life. It’s a dream. I’ve never felt so financially secure and free. In fact, the hardest part lately has been trying to talk myself out of spending the money unnecessarily, just because I can. 

So… I’m thinking. If Maria asks me to come back to work at the end of June… I’m going to ask if I can take the rest of the summer off, and start again in September. Summer is often super dead as it is. If Sharon wants to go back, she’s more than welcome to take my place. In all honesty, Maria doesn’t really need me anymore. I planned events, I did scheduling, I helped with other paperwork matters. But now, there’s no one to schedule and there’s no events that need coordinating. I’m scared that if I do return to work, I’ll no longer be eligible for the government money anymore, and I’d rather have that. 

There’s also the risk of interacting with people – something I haven’t actually done in about 2-3 months minus my family and Adrian. Literally, they are the only people I have seen/been around since the quarantine began in March. I haven’t gone anywhere except for a grocery trip here and there, and even that is infrequent. I’m not ready to be out in the world yet, not with numbers still jumping by a thousand, daily. And half of those cases are in Ontario. We may even be on the brink of a second wave with the way people are acting these days, and I’m not trying to get caught in that. 

I’m sure Maria will understand. I’ll tell her that I have some things to do regarding school and that I am not ready to return to work and will not be until September (or until the government money runs out). 

Which means, if all goes according to plan, I will have this entire summer off from work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That’s three whole months, June, July, August, the best months to be off. Omg, omg. I’m so excited. I’m putting it out there, Universe!!! And if it does manifest the way I’m visualizing it to, then I promise I will make the most of the time that I am given to the best of my abilities. 

Anyways, I guess that’s about it for today! I already have a new paint project idea which I’m very excited about, and I’ve recently re-read the last chapter I uploaded to my fiction story and I’m now once again enticed into continuing that. So many things!!!! AHH

We’ll see what this week shapes up to be for me. I’ve honestly never been more grateful for time, for this, for where I am in my life, for my health, for EVERYTHING. THANK YOU UNIVERSE!!! 

Love always and light to all, 

Me.

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