Day 59 – February 28th, 2017

Aloha!!! So here I am, at the brink of the end of my very last full day here. Tomorrow evening, we leave back to Canada. It’s bittersweet – on the one hand, I hate to leave because I feel as though my finger tips just lightly skimmed the surface of an ocean that concealed a vast amount of hidden treasures. On the other, I miss my family, friends, cat and country even. I do love living in Canada.

I’ll be sad to go, but happy to return home. It’s time I get some things in order. I will not allow this trip to feel like a mere “escape” from my life in Canada – rather, I will bend and shape my life to fit what makes me happy, regardless of where I may be. I have that potential within my grasp, I just have to take the initiative to make it so.

We ended up doing the catamaran cruise today! It was so much fun – we drank authentic Hawaiian mai-tai’s as the catamaran playfully dipped and bobbed over the wild waves of the ocean. We spotted a beautiful sea turtle swimming, popping it’s little head up for air every so often. It was relaxing but also thrilling, especially when we were going against the waves.

After that, we went back to their ABC store to buy some souvenirs for our loved ones, and we got quite a bit of stuff. I can’t wait to give them out to everyone!!! I love giving away gifts.

It began to pour, but I was totally okay with that! I loved it so much, I was so happy to be experiencing what a real Hawaiian down pour felt like. I danced as I walked down the sidewalks, tilting my face up to the sky to really bask in it all.

And now, here I am lying in my bed, for one last sleep here. I think tomorrow, we’ll go for one last swim, maybe one last meal before we pack up and head out. Again, bittersweet. But ah, what a trip this has been.

I don’t think I expected it to be as growth-inducing and transformative as it was. But people told me it would be, and they were right. Because my mind and my heart was open to that growth, and I know now that it must always be, no matter where I am, in order for me to continue growing and learning all that I can.

I’m still reading my Christine Arylo book, but she and Paolo Coelho have both joined me on this trip and on my own personal journey and they have contributed to everything I’ve learned here. The Alchemist has taught me about omens, fulfilling my personal legend, never giving up on my dreams, becoming one with the wind, listening to the universal language of the world, and that everything is written. It gave my heart hope. It made my heart sing, laugh, cry and so much more. It made me realize that I must love my heart as it loves me and loves life and loves all.

Me Before We is teaching me that I must love myself wholly and completely before I can love anyone else. That I cannot change or fix anyone, that I wouldn’t want my “partner” to change for me either way because if they’re going to change, they should want to do it for themselves. It’s teaching me to stop playing the victim and to start owning my reality. It’s commanding me to remain honest with myself, in every way, and always.

And this trip, this trip has taught me that there is so much more to this life than I ever imagined possible. So much to see, to learn, to feel and to experience. It taught me to always be open to every opportunity, to remain open minded and go with the flow and to “hang loose”. It taught me to feel everything with every fibre of my being, to really live in the exact moment and to be present, rather than thinking of the past or imagining the future. And it revealed to me the exact way in which I can alleviate some, if not all, of the unrest that resides in my everyday life in Canada – through honesty with my parents, which is long overdue.

I will never forget what I learnt here. I will never forget everything I’ve done, felt, thought and seen, in each and every day that I experienced here in Hawaii. I will forever be grateful.

And with that, I bid adieu for now! I’ll write tomorrow, most likely on the plane back to Canada. Until then!

Love,

Me.

Day 58 – February 27th, 2017

Aloha!!! So today was yet another amazing day! There was also a lot of personal growth and realization to be had today, which I definitely need to make note of.

So, this morning we woke up and chilled for a little bit, trying to plan our day. It said it was going to rain today, but the day looked so nice, so we decided to head out to Diamond Head (the dead volcano) to go for our hike to the top.

The sun was out and the day was beautiful. It turned out to be the perfect day for our climb. As we hiked up and up, the view grew steadily more and more breath-taking. Again, Hawaii never fails to amaze me with its scenery – the lush greenery of the surrounding mountains and the way the blue of the ocean met the blue of the sky in perfect harmony could not be properly captured in my pictures, but I think I did my best.

The hike was such a rush! I felt so great, the endorphins were really whisking around in my system and I definitely got that full body work out. It was such a good feeling! I want to remember that feeling and make it my motivation to start being more consistent about working out when I get back. I think I need to incorporate more cardio into my routines because that’s what really got my heart pumping.

There were dark tunnels and winding staircases and rocky trails all the way up, making the hike a bit of an adventure in itself. And once we got to the top…

The 360 view was absolutely astounding. The crisp wind that was coming off of the sea was something I never want to forget. It felt as though we could reach out and touch the sky if we really wanted to. It was so, so beautiful.

We climbed over a little fence and sat on a flat rock surface that had no boundaries – everything was open and free. There, we let the view soak in. We even lied down to experience the way the sun looked in the sky. I closed my eyes and began to let my mind wander.

I imagined that I was speaking to the wind, the sun, and the “hand that writes all”, the way that Santiago did when he became one with the wind. I asked it to tell me what I needed to know. I talked to my heart and asked it the same question. And all of a sudden, the answer dawned on me, and in that exact moment, the wind began to blow a little stronger over me, as though to confirm my discovery.

Earlier this morning, I had a conversation with my mom that led to some severe stress and the increase of dread I feel in regards to going home. It was the same old song – you need to focus on school, what if you don’t graduate this year, etc.

This was my realization: I need to tell my parents, for once and for all, that I will NOT be graduating this year. In fact, I won’t be graduating at all for a while, at least 3/4 years.

I live in constant fear and anxiety, paralyzed by the idea that no matter what I choose to do, that I will disappoint them. But what about me?

What if, by forcing myself to finish school and getting a career I don’t even know I want, results in my own personal unhappiness and dissatisfaction in life? My parents will be happy, but I’m the one who will have to live the lie, live the life I never wanted for myself.

I have let my parents deep fears become my own. I have become so entrenched in this idea of a “timeline”, that I subconsciously believe that something is wrong with me – that I’ve fallen behind. But NONE of that is true!!!

I’m happy!!!! And I know, in my deepest self, in my heart of hearts, that whatever I end up choosing to do with my life, that I will be happy, successful and I will do well enough to continue living on the way that I want. I will always work hard, I will always do what I have to do, and my personal capacity and potential is limitless. I’m intelligent and a quick learner.

I don’t know what I want for my life because I’ve spent so much time trying to satisfy other people’s ideals and intentions for myself and my life. I’ve been fighting this internal battle for so long without realizing it, that I no longer know what I want. But I WILL. Because now, I know I need to extricate myself from the grips of societal expectations, and also, my parents.

I love them, I really do. I’m thankful for everything they’ve done for me, all the hard work they’ve done to put me through school, and I will always be grateful. I will always respect them, cherish them, and hold them close to my heart. But, I can’t live like this anymore. I need to figure out what I want to do with my life, but I have to do it for ME and on MY own terms. No matter how long it takes.

I’m scared, because nothing worth doing is easy, and the hardest things to do are usually the things you need to do the most. But I’ve been so brave this year – I’ve done some things that required quite a bit of courage. I ended my three year relationship. I asked for a raise. I threw caution to the wind and booked a spontaneous trip to Hawaii. And here I am now. Exactly where I was meant to be.

So, when I get back, the first thing I will do is tell my parents everything. I will be honest. I’ll let them yell or cry or be disappointed or react however which way they want to, and I will do my best to maintain my patience, but this is something that needs to be done. I need to do it for myself. For my own sanity, happiness, and well-being.

As I was explaining this realization to Luna and Lana, the omen of all omens appeared – whales, breaking through the surface of the ocean to get a breath of fresh air. It was so incredible beautiful, a moment in which you had to hold your breath.

Apparently, seeing whales is good luck, but also a sign that you need to “analyze your emotions, the decisions that brought you to where you are, and what you can do to alleviate the unrest in your life so that you can find peace”.

To me, the whales breaking through to the surface was symbolic of my own breakthrough – after being submerged for so long under fear and pressure and anxiety, my realization at the top of that dead volcano was my own version of breaking through the surface in order to finally breathe.

I need to remember this. I need to remember, that like a whale, there will be times that I need to come up for air in order to breathe and in order to keep moving forward.

Now that I know that there’s so much more to life, I can no longer settle for the life I once knew – the one where I let my fears run rampant, driven by the everyday pressure coming at me from all angles. I will not allow myself to live that way any longer. I deserve better than that. I deserve to be happy.

I am so small in this big huge world. There is so much to see, so much life to be lived. There is nothing like travelling in this life – experiencing the many wonders and adventures that the world has to offer, like the feeling of making it to the top of a dead volcano, the enchanting magic of diving into a world full of multi-coloured fish, the quiet hush of a memorialized sunken ship.. there’s just so much out there. How can I live my life in fear when there’s so much to be seen and heard and learnt and experienced? I only have this one life!!! I need to do everything that I can while it’s mine. 

I am so thankful for everything I have experienced on this trip. This was a lovely pathway on my larger journey of life, paved with beauty, adventure and growth, every step of the way.

We spent the rest of our day eating delicious burgers, and now we’re back home, lying in bed and getting ready to settle into yet another peaceful sleep.

Tomorrow will be our last full day here because we’ll be leaving on Wednesday night. (Tomorrow is Tuesday.) I know we’re aiming to go on a catamaran cruise, but we’ll have to see about the weather first. Apparently there was a flash flood warning? We’ll see how things go though.

I think I’ll head to sleep now! Yet another amazing day indeed. I can’t believe how lucky we’ve been. But now, I really believe that coincidences don’t exist – that everything happens as it’s meant to. “Maktub”, right? It is written.

Love,

Me.

Day 56 continued, & Day 57 – February 25th + 26th

Aloha!!! Okay so, before I go on to explain the past 2 days including today, I have to say… this trip has definitely been the most amazing trip I’ve ever taken in my entire life. I’ve seen so much and done so much, more than I ever imagined possible, over the course of the past week. I’m so in awe of the wonders of this world, and the fact that’s there’s still SO much more to experience in this life!!

Yesterday was so great! We had a nice chill day at the beach; I went snorkelling again and saw more fish! There was this moment that I was surrounded by a family of unicorn fish, which are these rather larger blue/green fish known for the “horn” protruding out of their forehead. It was so, so beautiful, and I captured it on my go pro!

After that, we had yet another amazing lunch at the little café/grill on the beach that we had breakfast at on the first day. I had shredded pork, which was really yummy.

Then, we got back to the apartment and spontaneously decided to go shopping at Ross because Lana didn’t have shoes to go with her really nice dress. I ended up buying these absolutely stunning coral lace up platform sandals that I fell in love with at first sight a couple days before that. Definitely well worth the price!

After that, we got back to the place and started getting ready for our big night out! I decided to wear my Kardashian-esque tight white body-con dress for the first time ever because I finally felt confident enough!!! It was such a nice feeling, and the dress really did look good on me.

Me and Lana pre-drank hardcore – we got through like 8 or 9 shots of vodka AND rum in under an hour, but I didn’t feel sick or anything. It just gave me a really, really good buzz. We got all dressed up and once we looked like the bomb shells that we are, we hit the strip.

We were a little early, so we waited until Mike showed up, and once he did, we gave him a gift for his wife and he let us in for free!!!

The lounge/club view from the top floor of that building was unreal! It was very fancy. And the music was pretty good for the most part. BUT – no hot guys whatsoever. The high light of the night? These two white guys were chilling near us and I dropped it low and started popping my booty and they legit walked away, LOL! Luna and Lana DIED laughing. It was hilarious. They obviously couldn’t handle the booty, pft. Anyways, after that we came home and crashed because we knew we had a long day ahead of us..

..which was today (February 26th, and it was AMAZING!!!!). Luna rented a convertible for us so that we could drive around the entire island and beach hop, and end the day at Turtle Beach in the hopes that we would see a turtle.

I cannot even begin to describe the beauty of this island. Being sandwiched between the rolling green hills and mountains and the endless multi-hued blues of the ocean, the scent of the foliage and salt water in the air, the wind that whipped through my fingers when I reached my hand out of the convertible as we drove down the winding roads… I never, ever want to forget the way this experience has made me feel. I felt free. Truly free. I tried my very hardest to live precisely in that moment, and while this is a very difficult mind frame to cultivate, I think I did a pretty good job.

The first beach we went to was this gorgeous white-sanded, Caribbean blue-watered beach where we went for a quick dip before we packed up and headed out on the road again.

We got food at this cheap place close by to the beach and I swear, the portions here I HUGE. Like you really get your money’s worth. I got teriyaki chicken with rice and macaroni salad (SO. GOOD.)

After that, we drove for a long while and stopped to get some shaved ice (a special Hawaiian delicacy here!) and it was deliciously refreshing.

We stopped by turtle bay resort for a quick moment, but then decided we’d rather try to make it to turtle beach, as the sun would be setting soon. We stopped along the way at this gorgeous beach full of rocks that appeared to be old coral reefs. The waves were huge, as we were in the northern part of Oahu, which is famous for surfing. The view was breath-taking. The waves crashing down upon the rocky shores looked like something out of a movie, except I got to experience it in real life.

Eventually we got to turtle beach, which was equally as breath-taking as the other beaches we’ve gotten to experience. Not to mention, the sun had finally began to set, creating this lovely warm ambiance in the air as we walked along it. We took some absolutely stunning photos of it too. However, we were a little disheartened that there wasn’t a turtle in sight.

But then! A woman on the beach told us there was a sighting down at the end of the beach near the trees, where there was a small gathering of people perched and waiting, it appeared. We immediately hurried over, as quick as we could, hoping we’d be able to spot a turtle. When we got there, everyone was gathered quietly around a little area of beach that was cradled by smaller rocks covered in bright green algae.

Luna scanned the beach disappointedly, but then I realized… one of the “rocks” had flippers and a distinct pattern… IT WAS A GIANT SLEEPING SEA TURTLE. I immediately pointed it out to Luna, who was so excited that she couldn’t help but yell! LOL, omg, it was so adorable how excited she was!

The turtle was the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. We got to get real close to it, close enough to take some amazing pictures with the beautiful sunset in the background.

I cannot believe our sheer luck on this trip. I swear, the positivity and good vibes have culminated into this force of nature that appears to just bend to our deepest will. We have been so incredibly blessed, so lucky, and so fortunate to experience the things that we have so far. Each day has been better than the last.

We’ve got about 3 more days left! I definitely know we’ll make the most of it.

One thing I want to note before I end this log – this trip has really and truly solidified my budding love for travel. I’m hooked. I want this kind of life, I want to be able to explore the world and discover its innermost secrets and treasures, the way Santiago found his. I wish I could just quit the life that was planned for me by society so I could spend my days endlessly searching for the edges and corners of the world. Sigh.

That’s all for now! We still have to climb the dead volcano, and I have this feeling that we may have saved the best for last. Until then!

Love,

Me.

Day 54 continued, 55, & 56 – February 23rd, 24th, + 25th 2017

Hello! Things have been happening so quickly that it’s hard to keep up!! I’m going to pick up where I left off though, which was on the way to Hanauma Bay.

So Hanauma Bay was created out of the volcano’s eruption – the lava and water created a dome like bay which eventually filled up with water and consequently, marine life. It gained popularity throughout the years, and due to hunting, they made it a government protected preserve.

We had to climb down into the bay, and the scenery was just absolutely breath-taking. When we went snorkelling, it was a little tricky at first, but then after it was definitely one of the best experiences of my life. It was truly like being allowed to swim in a massive aquarium, while still being able to breathe underwater.

Best of all, my go pro turned out to be great despite its price and origin!!!! The pictures and videos were stunning and I cannot wait to take more! It worked perfectly. I was beyond thrilled.

I saw some humongous fish that actually kind of made me a little afraid LOL! They were just so big and so unafraid of me.

In the end, it turned out to be an amazing day. We had an amazing dinner (udon noodles/ramen) and then headed home to sleep.

The next morning (Friday, February 24th aka yesterday but also today?) we woke up super early in the morning to make our way over to the Pearl Harbour memorial. We made it just in time, and our tickets were free!! It was incredible to witness preserved history. I’ve always loved history, so it was so nice to read more about how the US was somewhat forced to join WW2 because of Japan’s aggressive attack against the US. (As told by the Americans of course.. I don’t know if we’ll ever really quite know 100% of the truth because history will always have a bias in favour of the ones who tell the stories).

The memorial was built over one of the sunken battle ships called “Arizona”, as well as on top of the remains of almost a thousand men who died there. The atmosphere was very somber. I almost wished I could dive beneath the surface to see the boat from an underwater perspective. Has the water and environment preserved things? Are there skeletons floating beneath the ravaged and decomposing decks of the sunken ship?

Anyways, it was definitely an incredible experience. I’m so happy and content and grateful and thankful and so much more, that I’m getting to experience life to this degree.

We returned back to the city after, but Luna & Lana went for food so they got off before me and I went along on the bus by myself for a little before coming to our condo by myself. It was so quaint – I made myself a little lunch of my leftovers from food from before, and sat outside on the balcony to settle into reading some more of the Alchemist. I’m really learning to enjoy my own company, which I love.

After that, we took a quick nap and then got ready to head back to the strip to go see the firework display at the Hilton. But, we ended up sitting down for a bit to watch a beautiful show of a man and woman singing Hawaiian songs.

The atmosphere was truly enchanting and magical. There was a moment when the woman spoke of a song that had to do with the lush foliage that surrounded us (the ferns!!!!) and their beauty and how they contributed to the “oasis” like feel of the area we were in (Alchemist reference!!!)

There actually so many different omens and signs one can see, if one is willing to become in tune with the universal language of the world, and the soul of the world.

After the amazing show, we made our way to the Hilton. Let me just add here – we all get along so well!!!! We’re always laughing and talking and happy and I feel like our positive energy and vibes are so strong between the three of us that they’re beginning to physically manifest themselves into the universe.

Like the woman with parrots, and the knowledgable bird/fish man on the pier, and…

After the absolutely incredible firework display on the beach, as we were making our way back, I stopped to talk to a very tall and somewhat intimidating looking bouncer in the front of a very cool-looking club. After finding out some brief information and learning that he loves Toronto, he promised to take care of our cover for tomorrow night!!!! How nice is that?!?

Which is just a further example of how our positive energy is manifesting itself into this unbelievable “luck” it seems. We’re meeting such amazing people and experiencing such amazing things. Which reminds me…

There was a man with tarot cards sitting near the beach and when he made eye contact with me as we were passing, I felt this strange sensation in my chest, like a jolt. And I told myself and the girls, if he was there when/if we passed by once more, it was meant to be that I get a reading done. And he was there when we went back! So I did, and…

It was mind-blowing. I wish I had recorded him so that I could remember better what he said, but he was so on point. And the cards I chose, they went together so well. He told me how I give myself and my all in relationships, only to get next to nothing back. That people vent to me. That in my past, there was a man who appeared as a man would, but with the mind of a child. (Nick?). And that also, someone would attempt to make a reappearance in my life, that he was very persistent and would not give up. (Don). (Ps, the Tarot card for that was the Devil lmao).

He told me that although money wasn’t extremely important to me, I would always have it. To invest now, and to save despite whatever I received.

And about my present and future, he told me I would most likely have boys, and that my son would be as free-spirited as I am.

He says I’ll be fertile for the next 15 years, but that I’ll meet my soulmate in 5, and that he’ll find me, not the other way around. And then, he asked if there was a man now who loved me that I was unaware of, and the “man of justice” came up. Confident, with a bit of a temper, but fair and just and balanced. And that, if I had someone in mind in that moment, that he and I would be like night and day. That he had a bit of a tough past himself, but that I would guide him. He would be like a rock to me, unwavering and supportive. But, the tarot man also told me I still have a couple more things to learn before all of that.

The tarot man (named Antonio) also did Luna and Lana’s reading too and he just continued to astound us with everything he knew. He knew so much!!! He gave us a kind blessing in the end, and told us he loved our energy, and that we would travel together once again.

It was an indescribable experience, most definitely. After that we came back here, and here I am now lying in my bed, on Day 25 (Saturday, February 25th).

I forgot to mention – we ate authentic Mexican food for dinner, and it reminded me so much of Nick that it made me a little sad. But just a little. I’m still filling all the little holes that he left in me when I left him. But they’re becoming more and more full with every day that passes. One day I will be whole and I won’t be looking for anyone to fulfill what I already create for myself, and that’s when someone will find me. I believe in what Antonio said.

Tomorrow (or today really), we’re going to have a nice chill day by the beach and then get all dressed up for the fancy club, which I’m super excited for! Should be a really nice day. I’ll write when I can! So far, this trip has been above and beyond what I could have ever possibly expected. I’ve already cried twice out of sheer happiness, LOL.

Until tomorrow or whenever then!! Aloha!! (Which means goodbye as well as hello, hehe).

Love,

Me.

Day 53 & 54 – February 22nd + 23rd, 2017

I don’t even know where to begin. In the past two days, I’ve already experienced and felt so many amazing things here… okay, I’ll begin with what I’ve done so far, and then I’ll go into the feelings and thoughts I’ve been experiencing.

So yesterday when we woke up, we went walking along the beach towards our breakfast place but they were all booked up and busy so we ended up eating at this little café like place with an open patio right on the beach. In all honesty, I’m glad that we ended up there, because it was the perfect meal to start off our trip!

After we ate, we did a little grocery shopping, grabbed some alcohol (pineapple wine!!!) and then!! We ran into this lady with four beautiful tropical parrots – and she let us hold them!! I held a little green guy and a beautifully coloured macaw was on my shoulder, and he tried to get frisky a couple times LOL. The lady ended up being Filipino and really friendly, so we stopped to talk to her for a little, and she told us about how she raised them for fourteen years! They were so cute.

After that, we went back to our place to chill a little bit and then we got ready for the beach! It was so, so nice to just sit in the sun and then swim when it got too hot. But, that wasn’t even the best part…

Luna let me use her snorkeling gear, and for the first time ever, I went snorkeling. It was… indescribably amazing. I felt like I was in another world, a world of magic and fish and water. I felt like a mermaid, but also like a person who had the amazing privilege of being able to visit the home of creatures who allowed me to see the utter beauty in the simplicity of their little universe. I saw all kinds of fish – the big unicorn fish with horns on their foreheads, the Hawaiian national state fish (known as trigger fish, but the Hawaiian term is Humuhumunukunukuapua’a – which I finally learned how to say, but more on that later.)

It was just, so incredible. My heart is truly so full.

After the beach, we went back and got ready to walk around the Waikiki strip and get dinner. The night time was so incredible – there are fire-lit lamps EVERYWHERE. The strip was bustling, full of life and people and buskers. There were small little groups of Hawaiian people singing songs, making the atmosphere as authentic and beautiful as it could be. We ate at a little pho place, and then walked around some more. I bought myself a pretty monokini cause I couldn’t help it, hehe.

After that, we went back to our place and knocked out right away! It had been such a busy and amazing first day, and we were exhausted in the best way possible. That sleep? Solid as hell! LOL.

This morning, (Day 53, Thursday, February 23rd) we woke up early once more and spontaneously decided to go catch the sunrise over the mountains. We ended up on this beautiful stone pier that led out over the ocean, and we sat down to wait. All of a sudden, little birds began to sit next to us as though they were waiting for someone.

A couple moments later, this kind older man came up near us with a huge loaf of bread to feed all the birds and they were SO excited! He gave me a little slice and they began to land on my hands too, and then he began to throw some bread into the water. When I turned around to see why, tons of the beautiful fish I had seen when I was snorkelling were coming up to the surface!!!!! He began to talk to us, about how he’d been living here for 14 years (14 again – omen??) and he feeds the fish and the birds almost every day. He taught me about the multiple kinds of fish (hence why I now know their names) such as needlefish, the Hawaiian state fish, the unicorn fish, and more.

It was such an amazing and enlightening experience!! I love how open and friendly everyone is around here – so eager to teach and to share their own experiences.

Anyways, after that we went back to the apartment for breakfast, (which Luna made – delicious) and then got ready, which leads me to where I am now – sitting close to the beach, waiting for the bus that will take us to Hanauma Bay, where we’ll be snorkelling!!!! I can’t wait!!!

Now, I need to talk about this moment that happened while I was contentedly sitting outside on our balcony reading the Alchemist while eating breakfast.

I feel like I relate to Santiago so much – he was so trusting, and so hopeful, and at one point, so close to settling for giving up his dream in order to go back to a slightly improved version of his old life. But there was a moment that he was about to leave, when all the hope and destiny came alive again – “maktub”. Which means, “it is written”.

And, I don’t quite understand it myself, but I had this overwhelmingly powerful emotion that surged through my being, enough to make me cry. But it wasn’t tears of sadness – they were tears of joy, of hope and belief and happiness.

After everything Santiago had been through, the possibility that his dream, his personal legend and destiny might still come true was still alive, like a candle’s fire on a wick that struggled to remain burning despite the wind.

For the first time in a long time, that same hope and belief surged through me too. I haven’t felt like that in… God, I don’t know. But the hope that I could end up where I’m meant to, that I can fulfil my own personal legend.. it’s such a beautiful feeling. I am here in Hawaii because the universe and I worked together to make this dream a possibility. Every decision I have made for myself had led me down this path. And so, if I truly believe in it, and keep my faith no matter what life may throw at me, then I can fulfil my destiny too. I can be happy, whole, and fulfilled in this life.

I think in this life, we meet everyone for a bigger reason than we can understand at the time. A life lesson, an experience we’re meant to go through, whatever it may be.

I don’t know how to thank Dylan and Sera for what this book is bringing into my life. But I know, that the universe will bring them the good they deserve. I truly believe that.

And so with that, I bring this log to a close as I continue on, on this amazing journey and adventure. I can’t wait to see what else I will encounter, learn, feel and how I will grow from it all. I’m so thankful. I hope I always remember this feeling and carry it with me, wherever I go.

Love,

Me.

Day 52 – February 21st, 2017

Hi there! So I decided to leave my laptop behind as it was much to heavy to bring with me in my luggage, but that’s totally okay because I’m going to be typing my logs here. Also, I’m going to be time stamping these as well, just for further documentation and for the sake of clarity.

So right now, I’m thousands and thousands of miles up in the air on a plane, on my way to Vancouver so we can catch our connecting flight to Hawaii!!!! The clouds look so fluffy from up here. I love, love this tingling sense of adventure I can feel from my head to my toes, in the deepest parts of my being. I love getting away!

I brought another one of Christine Arylo’s books with me, “Choosing Me Before We”, which is about knowing and loving yourself, before committing to a relationship with someone else, which I think is literally the perfect book for me LOL. I’m already a few pages in, and she’s already made me feel as though I’m about to embark on another journey – one within myself. I’m excited; not only am I on a real, literal, physical journey to Hawaii, I’m also going on an emotional and mental journey as well. I know when I come home, I will be changed in more ways than one.

There was something I wanted to admit to myself, because she’s teaching me how vital it is to be completely and utterly honest with myself no matter how hard. This morning, I saw that Megan had liked both the pictures that Nick had posted to Instagram and immediately, my mind began reeling with images of them texting each other again, and him picking her up in his new Camaro, and what not.

And you know what? I’m human. It hurt. I don’t like her, especially after the divide she created in our relationship when it had only just begun.

Here’s where I say to myself: it’s okay to feel like this. I’m not a superhuman or completely devoid emotion – I’m me. I feel things, I loved someone very deeply, they hurt me and now it’s over. Christine told me that I can only control myself, and she’s right. I control my decisions, and I need to eventually learn how to exercise more control over my thoughts and emotions so that they do not control ME.

I told him I want him to be happy. I meant it. So, whatever that may entail, I have to accept and live with. Inevitably, it will no longer affect me the way it does now.

Well, that’s that! It feels good to be honest with myself, and to understand that feeling the way I did is not a personal flaw or insecurity. I accept myself for everything I am, depth of my emotions included. Ultimately, I know I made the right decision, no matter what may happens in regards to whatever relationship we have with each other now.

And now? I’m travelling to this absolutely beautiful place in the world, with nothing ahead of me but open sunny skies and soon, an ocean view. I look forward to everything I will experience on this trip, everything I will see, learn and feel.

Tomorrow, I’ll be writing my next log on Honolulu time because I will be in Hawaii! Until then,

Love always,

Me.

Day 50 + 51 – February 19th & 20th, 2017

Hello! So, for the first time since I’ve began this log, I missed writing one yesterday. It’s just, I went straight from work to hang out with my cousins, and then we got really caught up playing a group game and stuff. It totally and completely slipped my mind! Also, these days have really been blurring together lately, I don’t know why I’ve been losing my sense of time but I have been.

Here’s the huge thing though – I’M LEAVING TO HAWAII… TOMORROW. The big day is finally here!!!!! I can’t believe it!!! It seems so surreal. I still haven’t finished packing, LOL. I still have a lot of stuff I need to organize. I was also thinking of bringing my laptop because, I want to be able to keep writing every day that I’m there and keep a detailed record of everything I do; from what I eat, to the adventures we embark on, to the things I learn about myself and the feelings I experience.

I think I’m definitely going to bring it! I’m sure we’ll find some down time throughout all the adventuring in order for me to type out these logs.

I missed a lot of stuff that I wanted to talk about that happened on Saturday – like how I hit on that bartender, and how I found out Dylan was thinking of asking me out. I’m feeling kind of lazy right now, and also I need to pack, but I think I owe it to that missed log to elaborate on each at least a little before I go.

Okay so! On Saturday, me, Leila, Chloe, Cory and Avery went to Boston Pizza to have some lunch before the Slam Dunk challenge, right? And we were just finishing up when this superbly hot bartender sat down at a table close to the bar, just diagonally of us. And of course, I could help but notice how nice his arms were and how good looking he was, which I immediately pointed out to Leila and Chloe.

As we were finishing up, he began to work and I couldn’t help but stare (which he caught me doing a couple times, admittedly – but no shame from me!). And then, Leila and I began debating about his background – I was sure he was Spanish, and Leila thought he was half Asian. I joked that I was tempted to ask, and she said I would be brave if I did. And well, I know it wasn’t an outright dare but, I couldn’t resist…

As we were leaving, I dawdled behind so that I was the last one trailing behind them. As we passed the bar, I stopped right in front of him, flashed him a big smile and was like, “I hope you don’t mind me asking you this, but what’s your background?” He smiled back, and was like “guess”, to which I replied Spanish. He confirmed that he was half Spanish, but also half Arabic. And then, he asked me what my background was, so I told him Sri Lankan. He then reached out his hand to shake mine as he introduced himself as “Matt”.

I said it was nice to meet him, and he was like, “see you around”. And as I trailed away, I playfully called out over my shoulder, “hopefully!” which made both him and the waitress standing nearby laugh.

What a rush! I felt so confident and powerful. I need to do that more often!

Next – Dylan. So Luna called me on Saturday night, and she told me she had something to tell me. It turns out, that Dylan had approached Sera and asked her if she had any tickets to hockey games left. And when she asked why, he told her it was because he found out that I had never been to a hockey game before, and wanted to take me. HOW. SWEET. IS. THAT.

Unfortunately for both of us, she didn’t have any left. She suggested basketball, but I think he’s under the impression that I’ve been to a game before, (although I haven’t). Nonetheless, the idea of it all is very cute – he told her he wanted to take me to something I’ve never been to before.

I really have no idea where things are headed when it comes to this, but you know what? I’m just going to let go, go with the flow and let things happen as they do. I’m still very much intending to focus on myself; growing as a person, achieving everything I need to do to get myself back on track for this year, etc. I’m not refusing the possibilities that the world is obviously showing me – I’m just going to sit back, and let the universe take me where it will, because in the other aspects of my life, I know I have control and need to exercise it in order to steer myself onto the path that I’m meant to be on.

Hanging out with my friend group, just like the old days, was so refreshing and so much fun. We watched the contest altogether and ordered pizza, and then we played this computer game where all of us could use our phones. We all died laughing at one point because Cory started live streaming our hang out and people were actually watching! All in all, I’m glad that we can all still get together this way and have it be like nothing’s changed, even if it’s been a long while since we saw each other last.

I’m so truly excited to be leaving the country tomorrow. I think my soul, my brain and my heart could really use the getaway. I need to clear my mind, get some real thinking done, and adventure the way that I was meant to in this life. I swear to myself, that I will treasure every single moment that I’m there, really breathe in the air and scent of the ocean, and let my being fill with nothing but utter and sincere gratitude for the fact that I am able to experience this sort of privilege.

Okay, it’s 10:12 pm now, which means in about 12 hours and 42 minutes, I will be making my way to the airport. AND I STILL HAVEN’T FINISHED PACKING PROPERLY. I need to get on that, ASAP! Because I also have to make sure that my luggage is less than 44 pounds.

I have this little anxiety that I’m going to end up rushing tomorrow and forget something that I REALLY wanted to take with me, LOL. I hate that feeling so much. I’m just going to try to make notes of everything that comes to me, on my phone. And then make sure I bring it all.

Alright, wish me luck! Hopefully I’ll get a chance to write a quick little log once I land in Hawaii tomorrow night! If not, I’ll type one out on the plane on my phone. Hopefully the next time I write, it won’t be here in this living room!

Until then!

Love,

Me.