Day 88, 89, 90 – March 29, 30, 31, 2018

As March draws to a close, I’d like to start off by saying… man, what an incredible month it’s turned out to be. Like it’s flown by quicker than a blink, but so much has happened!

April begins tomorrow, with the promise of warmer weather and spring breezes as everything begins to grow again. With the newness in the air, I wonder what this upcoming month will have in store for me.

I finished work early today but instead of starting to write right off the bat, I took some time to skim through all of my logs from this year from the beginning up until now. It’s interesting – the “resolutions” regarding my finances and school took a bit of a backburner what with the strike. It was a pause, one that I didn’t choose but wanted. In its wake, I travelled and grew more than I ever thought I could. And now, my wants in regards to both aspects have changed.

Financially, I feel like I don’t care to save. I don’t care about money in general. I have no attachment to it. I like that I work as hard as I do to make it, and maybe I can exercise a bit more caution in my spending habits. But I don’t spend on anything materialistic – literally, all my money goes towards experiences, and other obligations such as my bills. I don’t care to save because I don’t feel like I’m going to end up here, living in Canada. I feel like I’m going to end up starting over elsewhere, but that’s just how I feel right now. But who knows? We’ll see what time will tell.

School wise – wait, crap, I’m getting ahead of myself. I never even finished my logs from Belize, and my realizations that I collected from that trip. The realizations that have me thinking the way that I am now in regards to all of these aspects.

I guess it’s just that I’ve missed being introspective – I literally haven’t written for me or to me in so long. I’ve merely been recording my experiences as they’ve passed, and nothing more.

So today, I’m making a conscious choice – I’ll catch up on the things I’ve missed, yes. But, regardless of how tired I may get, I’m also not going to leave this chair until I also catch up with me, my current mental, emotional and spiritual state.

Alright. Time to backtrack.

I left off the third last day of my trip, the Sunday, the day after all the craziness and shenanigans. That morning, our whole group met up again at Sandbar to catch up and hang out (and make fun of the fact that I was still “walking”, LOL).

We didn’t quite know what to do, especially since the guys had to leave back to base sometime in the afternoon. So, we just chose to spend the rest of the day at Palapa, swimming and drinking and chilling.

It was actually so nice. I can just close my eyes and still feel the heat of the sun on my shoulders, the cool refreshing breeze blowing off the sea as we laid out on the dock, how it felt to randomly stand up and decide to cannonball into the water whenever we felt like it.

And it was also nice to see everyone in sunlight and sober LOL like everyone still had the same great senses of humour and super chill laid back personalities that meshed well with everyone else. It truly felt like we were all meant to meet.

There were some points I really loved, like when Matt came and sat close to me to bask in the sun and I sat right next to him with my legs hanging out over the water as we sat on the dock and talked. He even let me lie against his side as I attempted to nap (since we didn’t get much sleep the night before, ahem).

It was funny though – sober Matt was much more quiet and introspective than drunken Matt, and much more shy too; so because of the details I provided the girls from the night before, the more brash and brave ones (such as Jessica and Valaria) were teasing him relentlessly (he did mention at one point that he blamed me for the harassment he was receiving and I innocently claimed I had no idea what he was talking about).

Eventually, after a great morning and afternoon of chilling, it was time for the boys to bid us adieu. We all hugged goodbye and promised to keep in touch, and swore that we would all meet each other again one day, somewhere in the world. We were all too much fun not to.

I still spent the rest of the afternoon on the dock with the girls, and Valaria and Jay joined us with endless bottles of white wine and glasses for us all. Which led to the most deep and introspective conversations that I’ve ever had in my life, as well as some amazing revelations.

Okay, some background information about Valaria and Jay – Valaria is a girl (originally from Canada) who spontaneously decided to leave everything behind in her life to move to Belize about five years ago. And Jay is a travelling bartender from Brooklyn that Valaria hired for one of her properties. Both of these people I met briefly the night before, and man their vibes were hella cool.

Somehow, all of us ended up in a super deep conversation about life, and life stories were shared. But it was Valaria’s story that really gave me the chills.

Before Valaria moved to Belize, the man she had been dating before she met her ex-fiancé had ended up in a very serious accident. She remembered the worried calls from his parents, the fact that they couldn’t get a hold of him. She’d then seen on the news that the road he’d been driving down was totally blocked off, and urged his parents to head down in that direction. Soon thereafter, she received a call from a hospital notifying her that he’d been transferred there. As she was getting ready to head towards the hospital, she shortly received another call – her boyfriend… didn’t make it.

This was the part that gave me chills: she remembers sitting there in their apartment in the silence, all of their stuff scattered around as it had been that morning. She could still smell his scent lingering in the air. And her next thought was to plan the funeral.

But that’s not all.

Fast forward a couple years, and she meets a new guy. They get engaged, he’s really well off and super rich and they have multiple cars and all that.

This comfort is what she left behind when she made the choice to leave everything behind and move to Belize. And initially, she’d only gone to Belize on vacation. It was on that vacation when she called her old job, quit, headed back to Canada in order to put her stuff in storage and sell her car, and that’s when her life began.

And she was terrified.

She literally destroyed all of her comfort zones. There was nothing to return to, in essence. But she got into real estate in Belize, and began her life.

A couple years down the line, she met someone new (who is her current husband now), got engaged, and got pregnant with twin babies (a boy and a girl). And a couple months into her pregnancy, she found out that her first love (first kiss, first time, first everything) had passed away.

It tore her up, and she had to go into therapy for it in order to recuperate.

So. This was a woman who had suffered great loss, who left behind everything she knew, who threw all caution to the wind in order to find herself and fulfill her dreams.

And what she learnt as a result?

That every single day that we are given is truly a gift and not a guarantee. That we are not promised tomorrow, and we should not live our days expecting that we’ll wake up tomorrow because when it comes to life, you quite literally never know what the universe holds for you. That said, each and every single day should be lived as though as it’s your last. And that’s done by living fully, loving deeply, saying what you mean and meaning what you say, never hurting anyone, getting into deep ass conversations that feed your mind and soul, constantly striving to elevate your energy, relentlessly pursuing your innermost dreams and becoming truly content and at peace with your life and your choices as a result.

And that’s when it hit me, right there and then on that sun-drenched dock, while I was wine-drunk and sun-drunk and high on life – I want this. That moment, right there, is what I want for life. For my life. I want to travel the world. I want to adventure, I don’t want to stay in one place for longer than I’m meant to be there, I want to meet incredible people and hear their stories and learn from them and truly connect with them on levels that are only felt by the soul, I want the sun and the sea and the sand, I want to discover every corner and hidden gem this Earth has to offer me because I wasn’t meant to stay in one place.

Yes, I was given a gift – lord knows how deeply my soul wants to better this human condition by aiding those in need, by offering my services through guidance or advice or simply a soothing presence. But why must I do that on the terms that society set out for me? Why must I complete my degree, only to possibly need to do further schooling, in order to get a 9-5 job in an office where I’m stuck in a relentless cycle of looking forward to the weekend, paying bills, and eventually settling down to start a family, and consequently worrying about a mortgage and taxes and everything else that goes along with that life?

I don’t want any of it.

Maybe one day, I will want to start a family. Maybe one day, I will want to settle down. But who says it has to be here?

That being said, I am utterly thankful and grateful for the absolute privilege that was bestowed upon me to be born and raised in this country. Having a Canadian nationality and passport is a gift that I do not take lightly. I am so proud of where I come from, and everything I’ve learnt here. I am thankful for everything my parents sacrificed and worked for in their lives in order for my sister and I to receive the opportunities we were given.

But there’s way too much world out there for me to abide by this system. I just don’t think it was cut out for me.

On this trip, I met people who’d quit their jobs to travel the world, find work where ever they ended up, and live life that way. I met people who’d had kids, grandkids even, and decided that there was still too much world out there to stop adventuring. I don’t want this lifestyle to be an “escape” or simply a vacation. I want it to be my life.

I don’t know what the future has in store for me. But this is what I know feeds my soul and makes me happy in the now.

I don’t want to spend these moments planning for a future that I cannot envision in this current moment. God knows, maybe I’ll regret not saving, maybe I’ll look back at this chapter of my life and wish I did things differently. But then my inner voice says, “how? How can you regret any of this when this is exactly what you wanted for yourself in this moment, right here, right now? When you fed your soul as deeply as you have?”

And I know she’s right.

Everyone has their path. I can no longer compare myself to anyone else any longer. I fight with my old self every day now – fear tries, time and time again, to overtake me once more, tries to drag me back into my old ways of thinking and being according to what I was taught. But once you see your truth, once you experience it in the way that I did… there’s no going back.

I got up off of that dock and jumped right into the water as the sun set over the island. And then I let the waves slowly push me to and fro, as I looked out into the endless blue of the sea where it met the sky.

All we can truly strive for in this life is peace. Not solely happiness, because that forsakes the sadness or pain in life that we’re meant to experience in order to learn and grow. But peace. Contentment. A life lived with no regrets.

Valaria told me that Belize was in such dire need of help that I didn’t even need to finish my degree – my experience in my Psych classes was just enough. She told me that there’s endless job opportunities, if I was just willing to learn or give it a shot. And man. It was hella tempting.

Especially when KT and I ended up in this super deep conversation about how we’d love to begin some kind of mental health initiative here for children; when she had come to Belize initially, she’d spent time in the city at a home for orphaned kids, or children who were taken from their parents due to neglect or abuse. And even though it was a short time she’d spent with them, by the time she had to leave they were all crying and super attached to her.

Imagine if these places received more consistent care through people who could stay longer, or volunteers who came by on a constant basis? These people need help, and KT and I were so inspired to move out here and start out this foundation where we could launch consistent support for the homes like the one she volunteered at. Even volunteer ourselves, and then live together in Belize.

I got to a point where I was convinced that this would be my last year in Canada, I must admit. But having gotten back and having talked to a couple people about it, I now know that I have some very serious thinking to do before I progress any further.

But before I address any of that, back to the rest of my trip since I’m so close to finishing now.

I watched the sun set as I swam in the water, and Jay joined me there as we swam circles around one another and talked about life. His vibe was so cool, and his story matched – he saved up for 12 years in order to buy a boat because it was his dream to sail around the oceans, country to country. And he did just that. What a life he lived.

He could tell I had been hit with some serious revelations from the look on my face, LOL. But he encouraged me to do what would make me happy, and I intend to do just that.

That night, the girls and I decided to have our last hurrah and make that last night together as epic as it could be. Cherie and Jessica brought over all of their alcohol to me and KT’s hostel, and we lounged around in Sandbar’s chill-area just drinking and talking to random people passing by.

I ended up trying some Belizean weed off of some super friendly locals LOL. And then after that, me, KT and Cherie ventured out down the beach and I took them down to the pier that Matt and I had gone to, to show them how pretty the view was from there.

We sat down for a while and just vibed and it was so nice, but after a while our newfound friends found us and we all headed back to Sandbar. I don’t quite remember the rest of the night in all honesty (I do remember hopping in the golf cart and zooming around town for some reason but don’t remember why LOL). But all in all, it was the perfect last night, even though we did kind of miss our boys.

The next day, we all went our separate ways after hugging each other and promising each other that we’d travel again altogether sometime soon – especially after how close we’d gotten and how well we vibed with one another after only having known each other for a couple days. We were definitely meant to meet.

I was initially going to head to Caye Caulker in order to spend the rest of my day there and get a feel of that particular island (the little half hour I’d spent there earlier in the week did not do it any justice at all), but I was so exhausted and I kind of wanted to spend my last evening in my little apartment in Belize City. So, I spent some time souvenir hunting in San Pedro and then headed back to the city to rest, pack up and relax since I was heading out the very next morning.

Once I got back, I settled in and decided to head back to Neri’s for one last meal. I grabbed some takeout food, headed back to my apartment room, and ate sitting out on the balcony as the sun set. It was perfect.

The next morning, I woke up early to pack everything up, and gave my hostel owners one last fragrance as a thank you for all of their kindness towards me. They in turn had gotten gifts for me too – a Belizean beach bag, a mug, and a Mayan calendar wall-ornament. It was so, so sweet of them and I was so touched.

I hopped in a cab with a couple who was also headed towards the airport (and incidentally on the same flight as me), and once again, the universe had even more in store for me.

First off, Dean happened to be catching a flight at the airport at the same time as me so he and I got coffee and sat for a while and talked, which was so nice (and coincidentally, Matt had ended up on the same flight as Cherie and Jessica the day before – it’s as though we can’t escape each other, LOL).

Secondly, that couple I’d met in the cab was an older couple who were originally from France and now travel the world together. They specialize in physiotherapy, but the wife also works with energy, which fascinated me to no end. She taught me about sacred geometry – it’s this series of ceremonies that allow you to regain your own power and open up your innate potential and energy in order to elevate your vibration.

What I loved the most was that I could literally feel their energy, and in turn they could sense mine too – they told me I have good energy, and hands down that’s my most favourite compliment received to date.

Eventually, we all went our separate ways but I did get their information. If I ever happen to find myself in Northern France, (which I’m sure I will) I will definitely be sending them an email.

Well, like all things in life, my trip came to a close. But, it definitely ended on a great note. Many great notes, actually.

THE END!

FINALLY. Holy hell. I can’t believe how long it took and how many logs it spanned across to finish writing about this trip! But it just goes to show, it’s the most amazing life-changing trip I’ve yet to experience… and there’s still so much more to experience out there!!!! It makes me so excited for life.

Anyways, back to my introspections now. Oh no wait – I’ve got to talk about what’s happened since then.

Let’s see… work’s been good! At first it was a little tough to get back into the groove of things but I got my mojo back and hours to boot, so everything’s great in that sense.

I ended up having a shift with Sera right when she got back from Barbados and it was so good to see her! I told her about my whole trip and she told me about hers (she doesn’t recommend Barbados to me personally but she herself enjoyed it, so that’s good).

I told her about how I wanted to drop everything and move halfway across the world without finishing my degree since I realized I technically didn’t really need it in order to help people the way I truly want to, and she made me pause for a moment.

She advocated for me finishing up – not for anyone else, but for me. As a plan B, as something to come back to, in case all else failed. In case I did run into organizations out there that did require post-secondary education of some kind. Especially since it was going back to school and finishing her degree on her own terms that ended up leading her to her strength and independence when her life came crashing down because of her ex-husband.

She gave me a lot to think about. But again, I’ve gotten ahead of myself; a big reason that she was having this talk with me was because of one particular fact I’ve neglected to mention… a couple days prior to that, Cherie ended up messaging our girls’ group chat to let us know that she was heading back to Belize for a weekend in April, and asked if any of us were down.

I really didn’t want to force things or go back so soon or even travel again so soon but… with the strike still going on with no imminent end, I simply couldn’t resist; I booked the weekend off from work, found a cheap ass plane ticket, and that was that.

So… I’m headed back to Belize in about two weeks’ time LOL. Granted, I only took a weekend off from work but here’s the thing – that ticket? Yeah… it’s a one way ticket.

LMFAO.

I know, I’m crazy. (But I wouldn’t have it any other way).

Yes, a big part of me does not want to come back. Wants to travel the world, hitch hike or hostel-hop my way throughout Central America and see where the wind takes me.

I don’t know what’s meant to be. Will I come back? Will I stay? What’s going to happen? Will I find a ticket home? Am I meant to?

I’m leaving it to my intuition. It felt right booking that ticket, even though it’s only headed in that one direction.

Anyways, that’s why Sera was kind of encouraging me to go, but come back and finish my degree for myself, on my own terms and at my own pace.

I mean… I guess I want to. About 75% of the reason I’d actually go through with it, is for my parents. The other 25% is for myself. But I’m out of RESP, and I don’t want any ties to this place in the form of student debts that I would owe to the government. I’ve already applied for OSAP as per my mom’s request though, but with this strike throwing everything up in the air, I’m not sure what’s going to happen with that. I’m not even sure I’m going to be approved.

I guess we’ll see what’s meant to be. I don’t even know for sure if I’m going to Belize – anything could happen, the universe could shift in any kind of way and suddenly it’d become apparent that I wasn’t meant to go back, you know? That kind of sort of happened already to teach me that important lesson – earlier this week, Maria ended up calling me in a fit because four of us from our team, including herself, were booked off that weekend, leaving us in a serious deficit in regards to coverage. She said she had no choice but to put her foot down, and one of us had to stay.

I spent a better part of a couple hours coming to terms with the idea that I’d have to cancel my plane ticket. At first, I experienced anger. Then I experienced resentment. And then sadness at not being able to go. And then as that all dissipated, I shifted my focus to the lesson at hand and changed my perspective on the situation; maybe, it wasn’t meant to be after all. And maybe this was the universe’s way of teaching me to be a little less impulsive and reckless. Yes, I love that I’m crazy spontaneous and I wouldn’t change that for the world. But, I do need to exercise a wee bit of caution with my crazy.

After a while, I was all good again. I accepted my lesson from the universe gratefully and was ready to cancel my ticket. But, something held me back. My gut told me to wait until the next day when I went into work, in the one-in-a-million chance that something would change and I would be able to go after all.

The next day, it turned out that someone from our team had miss-scheduled their vacation and had to change it. I immediately called Maria and hesitantly asked her if she still needed further coverage and if I needed to cancel my plane ticket.

And… she said it was okay, that I didn’t need to cancel and that I could still go!!!!!!!!

The relief was insane. But, it also came with an edge of caution now.

I can’t get attached to anything I plan in the future. Life is truly unpredictable, and if I live my life with the perception that everything I plan will follow through accordingly, I will suffer disappointment at my own hands when plans change or fall through because the universe has something else in store for me! In order to truly “go with the flow” I must not be attached to anything, and that includes the future or whatever I may plan for myself.

Things are constantly changing. This life is mercurial, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Anyways, this has been an amazing log and I’m so glad I covered as much as I did whilst getting introspective in a way that I haven’t for a very long time.

I still have to talk about my conversation with Luna, and now I have to add my night out with Radha and how I ran into Chad and Krystal today to that list of things I still need to catch up on!

Tomorrow, I’m reuniting with all of my family peeps and I’m so excited. I know we only mostly see each other during special occasions or holidays now, but that’s totally okay. It’s always as though no time has passed whenever we do see each other, and that’s what family is.

This month, I am going to make more of an effort to return to writing each and every day, because that’s what this log was intended for. I also joined the gym Olivia goes to, so I will be making more of an effort to be healthy and active as well. I am also going to return to my consistent meditations too. March has been a good month so I’m going to build upon that momentum and catapult myself into an amazing April.

I am thankful for everything this month has brought to my life and I’m looking forward to all the adventure, growth and learning that this upcoming month holds for me.

Until next time,

Love always,

Me.

Day 84, 85, 86, 87 – March 25th – 28th, 2018

Hello! So I’ve been working every single day for the last week or so since I got back but I finally have a day off today! Which means, not only will I be finishing up the occurrences of my trip, I’ll also be able to update what’s been going on in the past couple days too! Namely how I ran into Sera on Monday and got to catch up with her, and also how Luna and I finally had that long overdue conversation about what happened during Christmas and my thoughts and feelings regarding that.

It’s funny how I pretty much left the best parts of my trip for last, LOL. Well, here we go…

So after we got back from our excursion, we all went our separate ways to change and get ready for the night ahead of us. For the heck of it, I threw on one of the dresses I had after showering, because I figured we’d be hitting the town that night. While I was getting ready, Jessica messaged us and told us she was at Palapa’s with these US Marines that she’d met randomly sometime during the day, and that we should hang out with them, so we were all down to start our night there. Little did we know…

Me, KT and Cherie finished getting ready and met up at Sandbar so that we could head over to Palapa’s together. And once we got there, we found Jessica sitting with a group of ridiculously good looking men… and ridiculously familiar looking as well. It only took seconds before we were all yelling at each other in hilarity – turns out, they were the exact same guys from the marketplace!!! It was meant to be.

We all settled into our chairs at the table and started to get to know one another over endless buckets of beer. So there was Matt (the super tall guy who had been sitting in the lifeguard’s chair who told us we needed pants), Dean (who was actually a sergeant lieutenant in the marines, and way, way up there), Lance (who bore a striking and somewhat hilarious resemblance to a certain celebrity) and Andy (super quiet but had a great sense of humour when he did speak).

It was so funny – there was four of us girls, and four of them (and Meg, but no one really counts Meg), and once again, it was almost as though we were meant to meet. We all got along right off the bat, our humours all matched, and they were total gentlemen too (for the most part, LOL).

As the night progressed, Palapa’s had last call pretty early so we decided to head to Sandbar’s lounge to continue pre-drinking before the night really began. At this point, it was almost as though we were all trying to figure out who was most compatible with whom (so funny). Everyone was flirting up a storm, and it was all in good and harmless fun. Everything was easy. The guys thought we were all gorgeous and wouldn’t stop complimenting us! It was so nice, and super flattering too.

Once we got to Sandbar, we all kind of settled into the lounge area and Matt (who, may I add, is six foot SEVEN. Literally the tallest guy I’ve ever met in my life) ended up sitting in between me and Cherie. I could tell he was kind of interested in us both, but I couldn’t help but flirt a little extra with him – he was super cute, his height made me feel tiny, and he was actually pretty funny! And at this one point, he disappeared for a bit and when I turned around, I found him petting both a cat AND a dog at the same time. I don’t know why I mentioned this in all honesty but, that’s my kinda dude, if I were to have a type. LOL.

Anyways, I was getting extra touchy-feely with him and he was doing this thing where he’d stare super intensely into my eyes and speak quietly enough for me to hear and it was doing all kinds of things to me (his voice is super deep and quite hot).

After a couple rounds of drinks (all paid for by the guys, by the way – this is what I meant by gentlemanly) we decided we were ready to head out to town and get the night started.

Oh man, what a freaking adventure. Walking to wherever we did, we were cracking jokes, laughing until we cried, running around, truly adventuring. It was so, so much fun!! I felt so carefree, happy, and light.

Dean made this joke about starting an escort service with us called the “United Nations” since us four were all from different places and altogether we made the perfect mixture of cultures, and he did this whole video thing for snapchat where he introduced each of us in turn and our “special features” and we were HOWLING. It was actually so funny. And we had made a pact earlier that night, all of us, that anything goes that night. We even put all our hands in the middle and did that whole “break” thing to make it official. So the guys were feeling super comfortable around us, and we around them.

We got to this bar with a dance floor, and music was going and it was pretty hyped! The guys met up with the rest of their marine friends to start a tab and get drinks going, and me and the girls hit the dance floor right away. I couldn’t resist, the music was so good and I immediately started going off.

At this point, the guys came back over and started dancing with each of us in turn, and it was all fun. I took turns dancing with Dean (who had fantastic rhythm and who actually knew the steps to salsa and meringue – this guy even dipped me over as though we were in the movies! So much fun) and I danced with Lance too (that got pretty heated at one point, I can’t lie). But then when Matt came over to dance with me, that was all pure chemistry. I can’t even explain it, LOL. Like I could just feel it in the air, unlike anything I’ve experienced in a long time.

After a while of dancing up a storm, I sat down for a bit to catch my breath and cool off. That’s where I met Angelo – he was yet another marine, but he was married and didn’t drink. So he was thoroughly enjoying the shitshow that was us and his friends, LOL. He was really funny! And because he was sober, he gave me a bit of background information about all the boys, but I’ll touch upon that later. Because…

While I was sitting down, Matt came and sat down close to me and invited me to sit on his lap, LMAO. And well, I couldn’t resist, so I did. And you know, it was actually quite comfortable. At that point, he was giving me that look and he even mentioned that he really wanted to kiss me. Jokingly, I warned him that I’ve been told that I’m a fantastic kisser, and that there’s only one way to really know for sure. So I leaned over and kissed him (much to the amusement of all our friends who began to cheer and egg us on, LOL).

He affirmed I was fantastic, and that was it – we were a “thing” for the rest of the night LOL. I’ve no idea at what point I decided I wanted to sleep with him, but it was pretty much a given with how much chemistry and tension was building up between us. He didn’t even have to ask – I can kind of remember him semi-joking about it and me with an absolute deadpan expression nodded along seriously like, “yup, it’s definitely happening” and he looked super shook but also really happy at the same time LMAO.

And from that point on, the jokes about how “well-endowed” he was began from all of his buddies. “Good luck, you’re going to need a wheelchair tomorrow morning”, or “we could make balloon animals out of the size of condoms that this guy uses”, you name it. But I was dying.

Regardless of all of that though, he was actually really sweet with me. He gave me my space to hang out with my friends, touched base every so often, mingled with everyone and had fun. And whenever he was by my side or holding my hand or kissing me, he kept telling me endlessly how beautiful or gorgeous or sexy I was, like literally every five minutes or so. I lost track of how many times I thanked him, in all honesty. But it was fun, and it was nice.

After a while, we all ended up in the main part of town, walking out and about in the streets bar-hopping from place to place and just talking to everyone we met and making friends. Sometime around two in the morning or so, places began to close down and everyone decided to call it a night. We all walked back to our hostels together, and this was where me and Matt kind of dawdled behind everyone, walking hand in hand. But we actually talked, and it was actually a good conversation.

I learnt that he didn’t quite know what to believe in any longer with some of the things he’s seen being a marine, some of the things he’s had to do. I learnt a bit more about his family, about why he originally joined the marines in the first place and what it meant to him. And it’s funny – this deeper conversation only began because of the tattoos he has, and some of the ones that I have. Which is a big part of why I love tattoos – ask about them and more often than not they’re a great way to get to know a deeper aspect of a person. Personally, all of my tattoos have a story, lesson or meaning behind them that pertains to some point in my life.

After we got back, everyone decided to go their separate ways with the promise of definitely meeting up in the morning to hang out again. But Matt and I went out and about on an adventure of our own…

Long story short (and also because I’m not going to post the more intimate details of my life online despite this being an anonymous blog), nothing too serious ended up happening. But what did happen, did take place out on a pier overlooking the sea, with all the stars above us and a gorgeous breeze coming off of the water. It was actually stupidly romantic and definitely the most “adventurous” I’ve gotten, in that sense. (Friends who are currently reading this, feel free to ask me for the most in-depth version of this part, LOL).

 

We stayed on that pier for a while, talking about religion and life and faith and I even taught him a bit about Buddhism. We both agreed that it was essential to stay learning in life, and that anyone who claimed to know it all had already failed when it comes to learning and self-growth. It was actually a really nice conversation, and he let me wear his t-shirt back to our hostel because it got kind of chilly at around 4 in the morning.

I know he kind of wanted me to come back with him to his dorm just so we could cuddle, but honestly I wanted my bed. So we kissed goodnight and agreed that it’d been a really fun night, and headed our separate ways.

Okay, THERE. I’ve finally covered what happened this night! I still have to talk about the rest of this trip but it’s really late now and I’ve got to be up pretty early in the morning, which means yet AGAIN I’m going to have to put off finishing this.

And tomorrow, I’m going out with Radha after work so I definitely won’t find a moment to write. Looks like it’s definitely going to have to be some time this weekend.

Until then! Man, I really want to get to the introspective part of my logs. I miss reflecting and I’m in some dire need of it! Soon, soon.

Love always,

Me.

Day 81, 82, 83 – March 22, 23, 24, 2018

Hello, I’m back! I couldn’t find a moment to write because I got right back into work these past couple days and then went to sleep! (Or like yesterday, I just vegged out and chilled because I haven’t done that since I got back either LOL). But, I do have some time right now before I head off to work, so let me just knock off as much as I can before I go and before I start to forget the details!

Let’s see, where was I…

Ah yes, the day I met the girls! So that night, we all headed back to our hostels to get ready and we promised to message each other so that we could meet up later that night. And we did!

We ended up at this place called “Lily’s” for dinner, although I didn’t eat too much because I was still recovering from a nasty bout of food-poisoning from the day before (thankful for that experience too!).

After we got to know each other a little bit further, we decided to head out and adventure around (especially because Jessica was in dire need of a specific type of medication – she had been passing kidney stones from the start of the trip and I have NO IDEA how she was making it through. FUCKING KIDNEY STONES! She didn’t let the pain hold her back from experiencing the best parts of this weekend. Did I meet some inspiringly positive people or what!? What a fucking trooper man, she’s the definition of “badass”).

It turns out that Jessica and Cherie had rented a two-person golf cart (golf carts are how everyone gets around the island, all the roads are narrow and paved with old cobblestone-like rocks so no massive cars are allowed). But, they had a tiny little pick-up truck reminiscent compartment in the back (that KT and I lovingly labelled “the bucket”) and we fit perfectly into it!

What a fucking blast it was to zoom all around San Pedro in the back of that golf cart, LMAO! Even though our asses bounced off that metal over every single pot-hole we ran into, it just made the whole experience that much more fun when we went flying. Ah, the freedom, the life!

That night, we spent time driving around from place to place in search of that medicine for Jessica but we had an amazing time while doing it – we met incredible people, drunken people, fun locals, you name it! We laughed until we cried when we met two guys from Texas who were super drunk but super fond of one another (“this guy… this guy is the BEST GUY you will ever meet! The best diver and the BEST FRIEND EVER!”)

Eventually, we got back to our hostels and we were pretty tired so we didn’t drink, but we decided to just hang out at Sandbar and chill with people. And oh man, the people we met! Okay so, there was this one point we all went to the washroom in the upper part of Sandbar, and there happened to be this massive map of the entire world that spanned the length of the hallways that led to the washroom. And me, KT and Cherie stood there for a while, pointing out where we’re from originally and all the places we want to go to, one day.

Turns out, it was the perfect place to stand because a) a lot of people had to use the washroom and b) that map ended up becoming the great point of conversation with every single person who happened to pass by LOL. It got to the point that we amassed a whole crowd of people (mostly drunk but ridiculously friendly) and we got told by some of the people who were trying to sleep that we had to move the party back downstairs to the lounge (oops).

But man, we met some wild folks. We met two sisters were who legit an absolute riot (one kept claiming she was in the peace corps and she lived in Belize for the past two years but then her sister said that everything she said was a lie so we had absolutely no idea what to believe LMAO). And we met some other guys who were with them too, and spent the rest of the evening dying of laughter at everyone’s drunken antics. After a while, we all turned in with the plans of linking up the next morning to possibly do a snorkelling tour to Shark Ray alley.

The next day though, there was a change of plans – turns out that there was no “morning tour” available for us and that we had to do it in the afternoon. I got the contact information of the person who said they’d do the tour for us though, so it was no worries. Only now, we had the whole morning free.

But as always, everything happened exactly as it was meant to – we spontaneously decided to head over to the Secret Beach since we had our morning free and man, what an adventure it turned into! It was an hour drive over and the roads were atrocious but we turned it into a game of “how can we drive so we avoid the potholes best” LMAO, like legit Mario kart! It was hilarious and so much fun.

And when we got there… I think amongst every country I’ve been to, every beach I’ve experienced, this was hands down the most beautiful beach I’ve ever been to in my entire life and in all my travels.

It was a peninsula of brilliant turquoise-blue that rivalled the fiery azure of the sky, as far as the eye could see. It was so calm, so still, not a wave in sight minus the slight sea-breeze that rippled lightly over the top of the water, casting beautiful sparkling lights down to the white sands that lay below. It was… truly paradise.

What a fantastic morning we had. We swam as far as we could, drank refreshingly cool drinks on the beach-front bar, lounged about in the hot sun, and just talked and laughed and bonded further. LOL at this point, the people we met thought that we’d all known each other from long before, even though we’d only met the night prior.

GOD I WANT TO GO BACK LMAO IT WAS SO PERFECT! But I’m grateful for the experience; I know you can’t re-live the same moment twice. I’m happy to have it but I let go of my attachment to it.

Anyways, after we got our fill of the secret beach, we decided to head back in order to make it back on time for our snorkelling excursion. But on our way back, we passed by this beautiful market that we couldn’t resist stopping at for a moment to explore. So we parked off to the side of the road, and walked around for a little while.

It was so cute – all the little pop-up stands were locally run, and there was this little area where it looked like they projected movies onto a white screen like a drive-in movie theatre except it was right in front of a pool! And there was also this little area with giant Jenga and giant Connect Four that we couldn’t resist taking pictures beside.

But as were making our way over to take a picture, this dude sitting in what seemed like a massive life-guard’s chair with a really deep and intimidating voice was like, “I’m sorry ladies, but you can’t be here without pants.” (Me and Cherie were only wearing shirts over our bikinis so we had been walking around with just bikini bottoms, LOL).

Shook, I was this close to meekly apologizing and getting the fuck out of there, but Cherie and KT called the guy out on his bluff and turns out he had been jokingly all along LOL! So we took our picture, and we bid the guys in that area adieu (with me specifically saying, “goodbye, super serious dude!”)

(This part will be important for later, and in literally the funniest ways possible).

Alright, time for me to get ready for work! Wow, I hadn’t realized that trying to write this all out would actually be this time-consuming LOL. I’m making good progress though! And I’m actually surprised at the quality of my memory… I wonder if it’s the memory supplements I’ve been taking lately, or the fact that I was so present in every single one of my moments that it made it that much easier to recall. Maybe a bit of both!

I’ve still got to write about my realizations, my current state of being, and the way that this trip changed me and open my eyes to certain things. So hopefully if I have some energy tonight, I’ll be able to do that!

Until later then!

Love always,

Me.

March 24th continued…

As tired as I am, I feel like I should continue this because I’m not sure when I’ll be able to get a chance sometime soon! This week is already looking to be really busy and filled with plans so I definitely want to write as much as I can, while I can.

Let’s see… Okay so, after the market, we made it back just in time for our tour! It was just me, Cherie and KT on the whole tour as well, like no one else joined us so it was basically like our own private tour which was so nice! We started off with Hol Chan, which is basically their protected barrier reef (one of the most beautiful barrier reefs in the world).

And our tour guide kept saying there was a sea turtle close by and that that’s what we’d be starting off with, and in my head I was like “oh must be a small little guy somewhere close by.” But oh… my… god. It was MASSIVE. Like as big as me!!!!! I remember once seeing a twitter video of people scuba-diving next to a massive sea turtle, and I remember thinking “god, I would love to experience something like that one day.” Well, I did!!!

It was for sure over a hundred years old, and since it was so big, it moved so slowly and with such ease. It was absolutely magnificent and one of the greatest moments of my whole life.

After the turtle, we swam out to the reefs, where we swam alongside fish that were about half the size of my body, and schools of brilliantly coloured fish, and oh my goodness the reefs were absolutely beautiful. I’ve never seen so many colours underwater in any part of the world I’ve been to.

Our guide was amazing – he knew exactly where to take us to, what rocks to turn over to show us little creatures we’ve never seen before that looked almost alien-like such as long spiny menacing looking lobsters or strange looking starfish that actually swam in the water between our fingers. And at one point, he dived into a cave in the reef and out from the other side came a whole school of fish, it was magical. We also saw a spotted eagle ray!! It swam so majestically, and it reminded me so much of the stingray from Finding Nemo LOL.

But the best parts had to be when our guide enticed two massive green Moray eels out of their hiding spot – they legitimately looked like what I imagine sea monsters to look like, from their faces and teeth to the way they swam underwater. But they seemed pretty friendly! It was just, such an incredible experience.

And then after that, we went over to Shark Ray alley where we swam with the nurse sharks!!!! Some of them were pretty big and it was a little nerve-wracking to get into the water with them once they began to swarm, but I took a deep breath and jumped in and holy shit. It was exactly as I imagined it would be. They swam around us harmlessly, and my god they were so, so beautiful. And we got to hold them, and pet their bellies!!! We free swam around after that to see more fish, and see where some sharks hide (and massive ones too), and overall it was definitely the best snorkelling experience I’ve ever had in my life so far. I can’t wait to learn how to scuba-dive, I can’t even begin to imagine the creatures I’ll see and the things I’ll experience being able so swim close to the ocean floor.

Okay, that’s about all I can bang out for now because I am EXHAUSTED. The next part is one of the best parts and I’m so excited to get to it, but sleep is calling me.

I may be able to find a moment tomorrow after work! So, until then. Man, what a life it’s been so far.

Thank you Universe. I am truly eternally grateful.

Love always,

Me.

Day 74 – March 15th, 2018

Hello, hello!!! Yet another amazingly successful day today, all thanks to the universe and I.

So this morning, Leonardo picked me up first we headed off to go pick up the group coming off of the cruise ship. But as it turns out, the group was pretty big so I couldn’t go along with Leo and his group! So he arranged for me to go along with another group that was headed to Lamanai, the biggest Mayan archaeological site in Belize with the tallest temple.

I was totally down for anything, (especially because I know everything happens for a reason) so I happily tagged along and I’m so glad I did!!!

The tour was so cool – we had to take a speedboat upriver to the site for about an hour and it was so much fun speeding along the river at like 120/mph with the wind and the fresh spray of the river water whipping at as as we sped onwards.

Once we got to the site, we had to hike to the different temples. We started off with the Jaguar temple (which had massive carvings of Mayan-style jaguar faces carved into the walls) and then we saw cute monkeys in the trees! As we headed onwards, it was so nice to bask in the ambience of the jungle and the rich history we were surrounded by. I couldn’t help but think – who walked along where I was walking now? Was it a King or Queen maybe? A Mayan princess? The people of the Mayan civilizations from thousands of years ago? Man, I love history.

Once we got to the biggest temple, I was astounded. Never in my entire life did I ever think I’d get to see something like that in real life. It was incredible!!! It was… “unbelizeable”. (The local tour guides love this joke and I can’t get enough of it LOL ah, puns).

Climbing up this temple was definitely one of the coolest things I’ve ever done in my life, and I’ve done some pretty incredible things thus far. And man, the view from the top was breath-taking. I totally understood why the staircases led right up to the tops of the temples – you really did feel like you could touch the sky, and reach heaven. It was… magical.

After that, our tour guide led us to another temple with beautiful regal masks carved right into the stone, and ode to the king or prince who once resided over that area. The Mayans built their pyramids on top of pyramids (as to preserve the political statement of their predecessor) and man how I wished I could go inside and see what it was like.

Anyways, the rich history behind the ruins, and monuments themselves… it truly was such an incredible experience that I am so absolutely thankful for. Yet again I met some amazing people and families who were so impressed that I was travelling on my own and who wished me well for the duration of my trip. I can truly feel all the positive energy that I am garnering as I continue on this journey.

Once I got back home, I realized that I was still super hungry but it was already pretty late and the sun was going to set soon. But I hadn’t ventured out into the city since the first day I got here and I really did want to eat at a local restaurant, so I got my courage up and ready again and left to go eat at Neri’s, which is a little walk away from my hostel.

I was the only one there LOL! But no complaints – I sat and enjoyed my meal of rice and stewed peas and chicken, and I even tried their home made hot sauce with habanero peppers!!!!! I’m so amazed at myself LMAO it was hella spicy but sooo good.

After that, I knew there was an ice cream shop nearby but the sun had already set and the darkness was beginning to set it. So, heart pounding a little, I dashed over to the ice cream shop to satisfy my craving for sweets that I’ve had since I’ve got here. And man, it was so worth it – I got chocolate fudge brownie with a waffle cone and happily walked back home, safely.

I did it! I faced my little fear of being out after sunset. I know I should be more careful, but I mean there’s careful and then there’s being bound by your fears so I just wanted to see what would happen if I faced them a little and it turned out perfectly okay.

Going with my gut!!! And it’s been working out amazingly well so far.

Anyways, tomorrow I’m off to San Pedro!!!!! I’m so excited, I can’t believe that this trip is entailing for me. I can’t believe I booked a hostel through the phone of a woman I had literally just met on a plane!!!! Logic says: “girl you cray” but my inner voice that’s so strong now, the little voice of intuition that I’m relying on, she’s like “you’re doing just fine boo, keep doin you” and she’s the voice I’m going to strengthen and keep listening to.

I should probably head to bed now (although tomorrow is the first day I’ll sort of get to sleep in) but I’m pretty tired so I think I’ll just lie in bed and lounge until sleep overtakes me.

This is making me so excited to live by myself one day. I know I’m going to be so happy on my own, with my own space and my own energy. It’s so beautiful, so calming, and truly so addictive to experience this kind of solitude. I’m so at peace.

Off to bed I go! I can’t wait to explore “La Isla Bonita” tomorrow in real life. Until later!

Love always,

Me.

Day 73 – March 14th, 2018

Hello! So I’m currently lying cozily in bed after my first full day here in Belize, which turned out to be extremely fun and successful!!! I’m so, so proud of myself.

Alright so – I started off this day with my cave-tubing tour. Leonardo, my tour guide (from a tour company that I found online) picked me up in a tour bus really early in the morning and off we went! On the bus, I met two lovely sisters from Iowa – Christina and Nova. They were older (in fact, they were grandmothers but both of them looked to be in their early to mid forties, no lie!!!) and they were soooo cool! They were super chill and so impressed by the fact that I’ve been travelling by myself.

Once we got to the site, half the tour bus went zip lining first so I hung back and chilled out. I was kind of hungry too so someone local from the site took me over to this tiny little place where I had the most delicious authentic empanadas and I was so, so happy. I even tried it with their local Belizean hot sauce (which was actually delicious and did not kill me LOL).

After that, it was time to cave-tube so I rented some water shoes, got my helmet and life-jacket, and off we went. The hike through the jungle was nuts – it was at least a 40 minute hike and sometimes through the river itself. The river stemmed from the top of the mountain though so it was cool and refreshing.

The caves ran underneath the mountain itself so this is what exactly cave-tubing entailed: basically, we tied all our tubes together to create a mega tube, and with our guide leading the way we floated along the rivers in the dark caves, with tiny little headlights on our helmets lighting up the way.

It. Was. Amazing.

The Mayan peoples of olde believed that those caves carried 13 levels of hell! But honestly? It was completely the opposite.

I could see the crystal quartz glistening in the ceilings and in the stalactites, the same way I did in the crystal caves in Grand Cayman. Except in this case, I was lying in a tube, floating gently along the cool mountain-water river and taking everything in in the most unique and amazing way possible.

It was incredible. I’m so glad I found my way too it. Once we left the caves, we continued down along the river in the jungle until we got back to the starting point of our journey.

Once we handed back all of our equipment, we had to run because the tour group had to make it back in time to get back on their cruise ship. But we ate in the car and omg hands down it was the best stew chicken, rice and peas and coleslaw I’ve ever had.

My heart was so, so content. I couldn’t believe what I manifested for myself with the help of the universe. And meeting such amazing people along the way too. I’m so grateful.

My tour guide dropped everyone off and then we sort of chilled for a bit near the big Belize sign. He asked me some questions about life in Canada and why I was travelling alone, and then after he dropped me back off at my place.

Speaking of my place – I love it!!!! I’m so in love with my little apartment room. So far so good on the whole hostel experience. I’m glad I’m someone who doesn’t need much – just a bed to sleep in and it’s all good.

I’m getting really sleepy now but I really want finish this before I crash so real quick.

I decided to go check out one of the surrounding islands called Caye Caulker (pronounced “Key” instead of “Kaye”) so I hopped over to the ferry terminal and made my way over spontaneously (while keeping in mind I had to be back before sundown at 6 pm).

After talking to someone’s tour guide about Belize city and the islands, I finally understand better why everyone keeps asking me why I chose the city to stay in; it seems as though the islands have the main bulk of the tourism industry, as well as a safer atmosphere for tourists. But that’s totally okay! I do feel safe here and I’m being smart, so it’s all good.

Caye Caulker was beautiful – there were bars everywhere as well as small little local food shops that I wanted to stop at so badly. But, because I hadn’t realized that it was a 40 minute ferry ride between the city and the island, I didn’t have much time to explore.

So I found the coolest bar I could at the end of the island called “The Lazy Lizard”, grabbed a Belizean beer and sat there for a while to bask in the last rays of the setting sun and take in the beach-vibe ambience.

Someone offered to buy me a beer but I refused LOL got to stay on the safe side!

After that, I headed back to the city, just in time for sundown. I made it!

I love that this has been such a cool learning experience. But more so than that, I’m so incredibly proud of myself and I’m so happy with everything that’s happened so far, by my own hand. I still can’t believe that I’m doing this! And I think it’s safe to say that I’m doing it well.

Okay, I’ve got to sleep because tomorrow I’m going to be doing another tour with Leo where I’ll be exploring and climbing an old Aztec pyramid (SO COOL) as well as seeing monkeys in their natural habitat? That was a spontaneous addition to the tour but hey, I’m cool with it!

I’ll write tomorrow after my next adventures. Until then!

Love always,

Me.

Day 70, 71, 72 – March 11, 12, & 13, 2018

Well, here I am. I’m up in the air once more, thousands and thousands of miles above the earth with the clouds pooling beneath me to form a blanket that looks almost of fluffy cotton consistency.

The last two days building up to today mostly consisted of work, packing, getting everything together and preparing for this moment. Which, I still can’t believe has arrived. I can’t believe that I’m here right now!!!! I can’t believe it. This is quite literally the most impulsive thing I’ve ever pulled by far, in my entire 25 years of being on this earth. But I love it!! I couldn’t help but grin at myself broadly as the plane took off, “Pocket Full Of Sunshine” blaring through my earphones as if I was in some cheesy montage of my life. I’m dying! This is nuts.

Anyways, all pageantry aside, there’s some things I wanted to seriously talk to myself about here while I have a moment to.

One – I need to be as conscious and mindful as humanly possible on this trip. Since I am on my own, I am solely responsible and accountable for everything that happens to me and everything that I experience from this point onwards. That includes viewing this trip with the utmost positivity and optimism possible, knowing and believing that this WILL be an amazing trip and that I WILL be safe.

Two – I’ve claimed time and time again that I want to strengthen the bond between myself and my intuition. Well, I have no better opportunity to do so than this trip. A vast majority of my experience this week is going to depend on my intuition, manifesting what I believe is meant for me, and working alongside the universe to create the most beautiful experience possible. But I believe in myself! It’s time to test everything I’ve learnt in this past year, as well as learn further and deeper than I ever thought I could.

Three – while I love sharing my experiences on social media and documenting the memories I make, I must solemnly swear and vow to myself this: I will spend more time in my present moments than I do on my phone. I will spend more time gazing at the wondrous beauty that surrounds me through my own eyes rather than through the screen of my phone. I will take mental snapshots to save to my memory rather than devoting more storage to this device.

And lastly, four – I am uncomfortable, I am partly terrified, I’m worried and time to time, I’ve been imagining the worst. I understand that these feelings are all fear, stemming from my ego-self attempting to define and explain my experiences into something it can understand and categorize. I won’t let it. I will purposely make myself uncomfortable. I will face my fears and combat them with utter excitement and courage. I will do everything I can to leave my comfort zones in this life so that I can experience it as fully as I deserve, as deeply as I was meant to.

There’s no going back now! Only forward. Always forward.

Anyways, that covers the more introspective part of this log!

Funny synchronicity already – I met a DJ in Antigua’s airport and used some of my last change to buy him a muffin because he was hungry. We followed each other on Instagram and I haven’t thought anything of it, until now; turns out, he’s also going to be in Belize this weekend at an event and he says he can get me in! Who knows what’s meant to be or what will happen, but hey Universe, I’m open and up to it all!

I may add more to this log tonight once I’m all settled into my place! But for now, maybe I’ll read some of my old logs and reminisce or choose from one of the three books I brought along.

My heart is so, so full. Already, being here on my own, I can’t believe how happy I am with just me and my own company. I’m so excited for all the ways in which I am going to grow, change and all the things I’m going to learn about myself!

Until later!

Love always,

Stephanie.

Day 72 continued…

Hello! Okay so I’m on my second flight and should be landing shortly, and already I have an amazing update!

I ended up sitting next to a woman named Lori, who happens to have Torontonian friends living in San Pedro, the town in the island off the coast of Belize! We started talking and she started advising me on the things I should see and do, and she seems to be a part of the travel industry because she knew which exact days would be the busiest in Belize due to the influx of people coming off of cruise ships!

With her help, I booked an amazing looking hostel right on the beach of Ambergris Caye, in San Pedro, for this weekend!!! Holy crap, I’m so excited. This is it, this is exactly what I imagined for myself. I knew somehow that I wouldn’t be staying in the same place this whole week, and now that link has been made.

She even let me book the place through her phone LMAO! She happened to know the owner of the place I booked too, so she had a lot of good things to say about it, and she showed me pictures and told me the vibe is best on the islands. I didn’t need to hear anymore than that one word to know that I was on the right path already by just having faith and letting it take me where it would.

Alright, that’s all for now! I’m going to be landing within the next half hour, and my adventure continues! I’m so excited!!!! Let the positive manifestations continue, that is all I will be extending my energies towards for the entire duration of this week.

Here we go!

Love,

Stephanie.

Day 72 continued further…

Lmfao, I love how I’ve gone from writing once every couple days to writing like 3 times in one day! Vacation will do that to you.

So, I have landed and I have settled into my lovely little home. It’s pretty much exactly as I pictured it would be, and better yet – I have a balcony!!! As soon as I checked in, I gave the property owners a fragrance each and by an amazing synchronicity, it was exactly the kind of fragrance that the main property owner uses so he was really happy.

After I settled in, he explained to me where everything was – the ferry terminal, some close by restaurants, the pier closest to the ocean. So once I unpacked and changed into more summery clothing, I decided to venture out and explore the places he’d told me about so that I had a good mental idea as to where everything is, get the lay of the land. (I have pretty great directional memory – but when it comes to everything else my brain is more leaky than a strainer).

The bright side: everything really is a short walk away. I was able to check out everything he mentioned during a lovely brisk walk, and the sun came out too! I already feel sun-kissed. It reminded me so much of Antigua that it felt like I’d already been there. And I’m close to a girls school and all the local students are super friendly and cheerful.

Slight downside (depending on my perception of the situation): it’s like Antigua in the sense that the male locals have no problem cat-calling, asking me if I’m lost, beckoning me to come over, and trying to get my attention by any means possible. I mean, it’s fine – I’m firm when I have to be, ignore it when it seems less than innocent, and know how to diffuse it politely if it’s light. But man. I definitely have to be careful. I don’t have my mom or sister around so the dudes are a lot less respectful – I’m a lone female traveller.

It’s fine though! Nothing less than I was expecting really, and I can handle myself. I’m looking forward to getting to the island and seeing what the vibe is like there.

For the rest of today, I’m gonna unwind and head to bed early so I can get ready to take on this week.

I’m still waiting on some excursion people to get back to me regarding tomorrow and Thursday, but I’m not worried. I know everything will work out exactly as it’s meant to. For now… I shall do what I intended, and just enjoy this quiet alone time. But adventure definitely awaits.

Until next time,

Love always,

Me.

Day 68 + 69 – March 9th & 10th, 2018

Hello! Just thought I’d write a quick log before I head off to bed. I still haven’t packed or gotten anything ready for my trip and I’m still not nervous about it because I know it’ll all fall into place as it’s meant to.

One thing I do need to start focusing on though: manifesting my intentions as clearly and strongly as possible.

I keep feeding my worries by talking about the possible things that could go wrong, or the scary stuff. And that’s not what I want to give power to, those aren’t the kinds of vibrations I want in the air when I’m on the way there.

So, I’ve started saying out loud, “I’m going to have an amazing trip, and I am going to be safe.”

And when people ask me about it, that’s exactly what I’m going to say. Not, “oh, I heard there was shooting” or “yes, there are parts of the city that are kind of sketchy.”

There’s always going to be sketchy parts of the world, or people dying. If I let those things stop me or if I allow those things to create fear in me, then I’m never ever going to experience the world as deeply and as fully as I want to. I’m never going to be able to adventure in the ways that I dream of.

So, power to the positive. That’s all I’m going to focus on. I’m going to visualize myself in the sun, on the beach, exploring old ruins or snorkelling amidst hundreds of multi-coloured fish. I am going to truly enjoy my own company and this time that I’ve gifted to myself. A whole week of solitude!! A whole week of just company with me, or with the people I meet if I so choose! How beautiful is that?!

More than anything, I want this trip to strengthen my relationship with my intuition. I want to see the ways in which I listen to it and how it communicates with me. I want to watch the ways I manifest the things that I do, on this trip.

Anyways, that’s about all for today! I got my health card renewed, had my driving lesson today, so so far everything is going according to plan! There’s just a couple more stuff I need to do before I can leave with a clear mind, and then I’m out.

It truly is going to be an amazing trip. It will be life-changing, everything I need, and teach me in ways I hadn’t even realized myself that I needed to grow in.

I’ll write tomorrow if I can find a moment!

Love always,

Me.