Day 86 to 89 – March 26th to 29th, 2020

Hello! It’s been a couple days since I’ve written last, but I actually kind of just unplugged this past weekend to the best of my ability and spent another weekend with my family, watching movies and playing board games. But it’s Sunday now, so another week of quarantine is about to begin. Is it called quarantine if we’re not officially on lockdown? I think the correct term is “self-isolation” of the voluntary kind, if you aren’t infected or came into contact with someone who was known to be infected. So many new terms these days though, it’s hard to keep track. 

Anyways! Here we are, going into week three of staying home. I’m just sitting outside on my patio and soaking up some sun because today’s one of the first days in a while where it’s been this warm, sunny and beautiful. I’m also having a little solo-sesh to celebrate the arrival of spring and hopefully some more outdoor seshes soon. 

I’ll be home for the next couple days, which I’m looking forward to! I’ve already chosen my painting theme and I’ve started on the background (a mermaid-goddess underwater), so that shall be my project for the next little while. And as the weather gets warmer and nicer, it’ll give me more opportunities to start sitting outside to work on my book! It’s hard to focus on it inside because my family is always around and watching shows and making various noises. If I’m just chilling and doing my own thing, it’s fine, but when it comes to writing my book I need creative flow and solo vibes. 

Honestly, I’m just thinking about how I’m doing and I just… I don’t know. Is it weird to say my heart is so incredibly at peace, and I’m super happy to be home? 

I know what’s happening is super sad. But I’m so thankful that I have a roof over my head and food to eat during these times. I wake up every day with a heart full of gratitude for my health and wellness.  

I’m just so happy that I did my inner work all these years and that I’m comfortable with myself as a result. I’m content sitting with just me, I’m content with the fact that the world is on pause right now and that I’m doing my part by staying home. I’m enjoying taking things day by day, I’m enjoying spending time with my family and I know how to take space for myself if need be. 

Life is good. I’ve settled into these circumstances as well I could have knowing that everything that is within my control, I will do my best to make the most of. This is life now, for now. I know without a doubt that rather than trying to resist what’s going on, it’s just best to accept (on your own time and with all the compassion, patience and grieving necessary), adapt (slowly and whilst understanding that adaptation is a roving-hill process instead of a steady incline upwards), and do what you can. 

Meditating has been working wonders for me during this time. When the world asks you to slow down, you slow down. I’ve been able to watch my anxiety come up, compassionately address it, and I’ve watched it slowly ebb away. Every time, it gets a bit easier and less intense. And every time, I’m left with a deeper and more profound sense of stillness and love. 

So, that’s how I’ve been doing lately, LOL. I think now, I’m going to set up my paint stuff and start painting away again. Everyone’s quietly doing their own thing so it seems about time to get that up and started. 

Le sigh. I’m happy, heh. 

Until next time!

Love always and light to all, 

Me.

Day 85 – March 25th, 2020

Hello!! Today was a half lazy, half productive day. I cleaned out out my guinea pig’s cage thoroughly for a couple hours, and after that spent most of this day just chilling out, watching shows, or listening to old Community outtakes and panels while playing Draw Something on my phone, LOL. I just sat outside for a little bit contemplating my day, and I’m wondering if I’d benefit by starting to create a real quarantine schedule for myself. 

Like I know me, and I know that I need a little structure. I’ve been winging it these days and it’s been going fine, but I don’t want to succumb to complacency or laziness and lose out the idea of motivation completely. Before quarantine even began, I had all these plans and things I wanted to reintroduce into my life. Let me see if I can find that list. 

  • Painting. All week, I kept looking at my paintings and thinking about how badly I want to have some canvases so I could paint, and now I know it’s because of how easily I get in my flow when I’m painting. It brings about this wonderful stillness and makes me happy. 
  • Movement. My body is asking me to listen to it. It wants to come out of hibernation, it wants to move and thrive and live and run. Either I start working out again, or I do Zumba at home at least 3 times a week. How can I listen to my innermost self through my body if my body is sluggish and lethargic? Spring is just around the corner and it’s about time I get active again. 
  • Laughter. I need to do more things that make me laugh! Light-hearted comedy movies or going to an actual show or hanging out with my friends, I need more laughter and light in my life. 
  • Writing. My writing is my safe space, and it’s my easiest go-to method of bringing myself back into alignment. I don’t want to treat it like a chore because it really isn’t. Maybe what I can do is start writing affirmations down on my board every morning because that’s a little way to bring about a baseline of good feeling for my days. 
  • Food. This one is a little tricky because sometimes food can be abused (junk food, comfort eating etc.) but I truly do love food as an experience. Maybe I can use this particular experience to learn dedication in a good way – like little treats here and there to reaffirm good feelings rather than giving in every moment and losing appreciation for this sensation. 
  • Crystals, Incense, my spiritual stuff. I love, love my crystal collection. If I make a point to pick a different crystal every day and see what communicates with me, maybe I can make better use of the ones that I have. I know they’re in my life for a reason. 
  • Self-care. A long hot bath after a long day or a little pampering goes a long way with me. I love relaxing and taking time to myself and it’s been so long since I did those little things for me.
  • Reading!!!! Of course! How can I forget the one thing that helped me out so much throughout the year of 2017!? I need to find more feel-good reaffirming books that help me along my way. There’s nothing I love more than educating myself and learning and expanding my mind, and reading is a wonderful way to do that. 

Okay, let’s see. I have been meditating more frequently, so that’s good. I bought some oracle cards to get more in touch with my spiritual side, which I’m very much looking forward to doing. I can’t travel anymore, but I do hope there will be more road trips this summer in lieu of actually travelling. 

I think it’s time to get started on the painting, the reading, and writing more of my book. My book is a little more tricky because these days it’s a little harder to get in flow with everything that is going on. But as the weather gets warmer, maybe I can draw a little more inspiration from being outside on my patio. Also, starting to paint and read should help ease any creative blocks I may have developed. 

I guess I’m still adjusting to this sudden massive influx of having literally endless free time and no structure or schedule whatsoever. It’s kind of like going to university after leaving high school – no one is chasing after you making sure you’re going to classes, and you’re pretty much completely responsible for yourself. 

Alright, it’s decided! More time for self-care, growth, and some structure will do me some good. Tomorrow I’m planning on leading another Zumba session with my family alongside a guided meditation, and I promise myself that tomorrow I will begin my painting. 

I guess that’s all for tonight! I’ll write a more in-depth log tomorrow. 

Love and infinite light,

Me.

Day 81 to 84 – March 21st to 24th, 2020

Hello! I know it’s been a little while since I’ve written last, but it’s been a very eventful weekend and now I have plenty to catch up about. 

First off – we did not make it to the cottage, LOL. It’s a long harrowing story, but I’ll keep it rather brief as to not relive the horrors of that evening. 

Basically, we underestimated the amount of snow that was still up there, especially in that last winding trail in the woods. On that trail, the further you go, there is one last massive steep upwards hill before you finally make it to the trail of cottages. That hill, unfortunately, was our demise. 

There was a family on the trail that let us know that it might be tricky for us to get up to the cottage directly – in fact, that family tried to come through with a massive four-by-four pick-up truck and did not make it up the hill. Instead, they spun off and almost landed in the ditch on the other side of it. So, we heeded their warning (Adrian and I, since we made it before our parents) and tried to park off to the side near the bottom of the hill. 

Unfortunately for us, Adrian’s car got stuck in the deep amount of snow that was at the foot of that hill, and by the time my parents rolled around, it was now getting dark and starting to snow. We were starting to get a little panicked, especially since the temperatures were dropping and the only source of light we were going to have was the headlights of our cars. 

At this point, that family comes walking up behind us, and the wife in that family begins laying into us. “What’s wrong with you people!? I told you not to go up that hill and you didn’t listen! Now look at what you’ve done! Push that car! You can’t be stuck in this road! How are we supposed to get our truck by?! Have you never done this before!?” 

Throughout all of this, we’ve all gone silent with shock because a) we’re literally doing our best to get Adrian’s car out of the road, b) her incessant yelling wasn’t helping the situation in the slightest, and c) we’re legit in the middle of a goddamn worldwide pandemic and you’re still finding the time to be a complete and total… horrible person? (I’d say another word but I’m trying to be kind, LOL). 

So I start trying to calm her down, telling her that her yelling at us is not really helping and that we’re doing the best we can, apologizing for ending up in the situation in the first place and promising her that we’ll do our best to get out of the road so everyone has a clear path through the woods, but she’s not listening. In fact, she looks at her husband and goes, “you know what, maybe we should take a picture of their license plates in case they damage our car trying to get out of here.” 

Now, I know that there are a couple people in my family who don’t do well with rudeness and who have the capacity to go off if need be (i.e. my mom, Olivia, Adrian, and even Trevor if the situation calls for it) so I told the lady in my most sweetly sarcastic customer service voice, “well if you think that’s going to help this situation, by all means, please go right ahead.” Kill em’ with kindness, right? She kind of faltered after this because none of us were reacting to her anger with anger. It’s off-putting when you’re not receiving the reaction you’re trying to get.

Finally, her husband quietly convinces her to leave us alone and head up the hill to their cottage, and she gave in and went with her family while still complaining about us the whole way up. 

So by now, we’re all super overwhelmed and trying to hold it together, the snow is pouring down, and night has officially fallen. Our feet were all soaked through and numb from digging out Adrian’s car from the snow, and we’re too tired to carry all our stuff up that hill and walk towards Elizabeth’s cottage. Our new mission became to somehow turn around in that narrow road without falling into a ditch on either side, and get the hell home. 

First, my dad attempted it. It took about a 60-point turn with the utmost caution and patience in order to get him turned around without hitting their parked truck. We hit a tree I think, and almost fell into the ditch, but somehow we managed to get him turned back around and up the main road. 

Which left Adrian’s car. We suddenly saw two small headlights coming our way from down the hill, and it was the father and one of the three kids on the back of an ATV. I’m assuming they felt bad, because they came back and tried to help us out. They cleared out all the snow using their ATV, and with a little bit of their guidance we were able to get Adrian to turn around too. 

The kid offered to bring us up the hill two-by-two with all our stuff and that was super kind of him, and even his dad told us there was a spot down by the road where we could park and walk up. But, my mom had already fallen a couple times and not a single one of us had any energy or motivation left to get to the cottage anymore – all we wanted to do was go home. So we thanked them sincerely for their help, and I apologized once more, but I told them we were going to head home. The dad mentioned that his wife was just “wound up”, and I acknowledged that there was a lot happening right now so it made sense. And with that, we made our way home. 

So much for not going into detail, LMAO. But what a story eh? I ended up hyperventilating and having a panic attack once we were out of the woods, but Adrian encouraged me through it and I knew that it was just a build up of everything that’s been happening lately so I just saw it through as patiently and compassionately as I could. I knew it was meant to happen, and I felt so, so much better afterwards that I actually felt grateful to that horrid woman and the ordeal we just went through. 

My mom called Elizabeth, and she felt so bad and vowed to find out who the woman of that family was, LOL. But honestly, it doesn’t matter now. People are going to be who they are. She lost control of herself and reacted in anger, and in the face of that anger we remained as kind and patient as we could be. So, at the end of the day, none of it matters. I hope she finds peace, one way or another. We’ll be back to the cottage when we’re meant to go, and it’ll still be there when we need it. Elizabeth has now said we can go whenever we want, and as many times as we’d like, so I’m looking forward to that. 

And ultimately, we ended up having a wonderful weekend here at home! We cooked the meals like we planned to – Trevor and Olivia made the most amazing tacos with chicken, refried beans, cheese, and guacamole on fresh authentic soft tortilla, and Adrian and I made spaghetti and a bolognese sauce with tomato sauce from his family’s vault of homemade stuffs. We had a movie night, played board games, and pretended we were at the cottage anyways. We unplugged by not updating each other as much about the virus, and it honestly did feel like a little getaway as a result. 

So, all’s well that ends well. Now, it’s back to another regular week of quarantine. I just got back from Adrian’s, where I lazed away and rested, and now that I’m home I’m planning on finally starting my painting and getting back to my Zumba and guided meditation sessions with my family. It’s going to be a good week! 

Everything’s been pretty good so far. My group of work friends now want to have e-drinking sessions, and I have other e-sesh’s with my vape lounge crew. Meanwhile, I have plenty of time to spend with my family, and Adrian. I’ll be getting paid next week, and then after that I’ll be applying for EI. I’m sure the process won’t be smooth or easy, but it’s fine. I have faith. I know that I will be taken care of and given exactly what I need to get by for the next little while. 

Just taking things one day at a time! That’s all we can really do. I’m thankful – I don’t think I’ve ever been more present than this, especially since the best thing to do is take things one day at a time. So, here’s to today! And this moment, right here, right now.

Until my next log, 

Love and light always,

Me.

Day 79 – March 19th, 2020

Hello, hello! Day 3, of quarantine? I think? LOL. I’m losing track of days honestly, thank goodness for my logs or else I’d have no idea what day it is. 

Okay, so more good news – Elizabeth said that we can head up to the cottage for the weekend!!! HOORAYYYYY FOR QUARANTINING IN NATURE!!!!! I’m honestly so happy – not only is it safe for us to go as far away from the city as possible, we’ll also still be self-isolating but doing it with more space, open fresh air, and room to roam. Oh man, I wish we could just stay there until all of this is over LOL. But Elizabeth has the same plan and will be staying there for about a week after we leave, I believe. She’s so lucky she has that place; now is the perfect time to escape to a remote cottage in the middle of nowhere. And we are so lucky that we know her and that she’s so wonderfully kind!

Adrian and Trevor will be coming too, which is nice. I think it’ll be good for them to get away too, because this whole quarantine thing has been pretty rough for them as well. Adrian been struggling to get through working at home because the VPN is bogged down with the amount of people working from home in his company, so he’s inputting orders and invoices at a very frustratingly slow rate. And Trevor lives with roommates who are his friends, but sometimes that particular situation doesn’t always work out in your favour and can also get quite trying too. So, I’m glad that they’ll both be coming with us. Plus, they’re both family now!

Today, I made my family do an hour of dance workout videos on Youtube, and then we sat down for about 20 minutes of guided meditations and positive affirmations. I’m so glad that they’re open to this because it really is so important that we keep our energy levels up, and keep our heads clear and calm during this time. I want everyone to be their happiest and healthiest and making the most of this quarantine as well. They also thanked me in turn for getting them up and about, so I’m super happy. It feels good to know that I’m doing my part, however small it may be. 

We’re going to make it through this, I know it. And my heart is so full of love and warmth because we’re doing this as a family, as well as we can, getting by day by day and keeping each other in positive spirits and good energy. We haven’t fell into arguing or discord because we’re each doing our part to keep busy and active, both separately and together, which is really important. 

Despite all the darkness that this pandemic has brought about, there’s also a lot of light to it too. I’ve never felt so connected to my family, my friends, even humanity as a whole. It’s so wonderful to see how people are pulling through for one another, offering each other kindness and empathy and shared moments of laughter when needed. I’ve never been on the phone so much (both talking and messaging), but for once it’s actually so nice because I’m constantly keeping up with all my friend groups – we’re sending each other videos of us working out, or going for runs, or cooking, and there’s plenty of memes to be shared as well. I even had a video chat with my regular vape lounge crew while they were seshing LMAO. 

Even though we’ve all had to “socially distance” physically, emotionally and mentally, it feels like we’re all just getting closer than ever. There’s always some kind of silver lining to any dark cloud. 

I promise myself that I will remain as positive as I can be throughout this. I have to continue to channel my light and uplift the hope and faith of those around me. And I promise to take care of myself too, as much as possible. 

I’m writing now a little bit later in the day, and for the last hour or so I have had a little bit more anxiety than usual, but I’m talking myself through every time I feel it come up, consciously breathing, and offering myself as much compassion as possible. I don’t know if it’s my anxiety or anxiety from my medication because honestly I’m pretty happy with my circumstances and I know that everything is going to be okay. 

Nevertheless, this is a reminder that some days are going to be harder than others, and I have to be as patient with myself as I am with everyone else in my life. This isn’t an easy thing to wrap your mind around – within months, life as we know it has completely changed. That’s not something that is easily processed, even if it is something we learn to adapt to for survival reasons. It’ll take some time for this to truly sink in. So patience and compassion will be of the utmost importance as these days go on. 

Okay I think it’s definitely my ADHD medication, LOL. My heart is racing inexplicably, but it makes sense because I’ve been off of it for 3-4 months, and like I didn’t start at the lowest dose – I went straight to my secondary dose. Yikes. 

I’ll try to keep taking it consistently and hopefully I’ll readjust to the dose. If not, I’ll just get CBD pills or Ashwagandha to counteract the resultant anxiety that comes from the medication. 

I just read that Vitamin C interacts with it, and I’ve been popping like 2000 mg of Vitamin C a day, LOL. That might be messing with how it interacts with me and my body, hmm. Maybe what I can do is, I can take my medication in the morning and my vitamins at night – that way, there’s less interaction between the two? We’ll see. I have nothing but time to figure out how all of this can work. 

Anyways, that’s about it for today. Luna is coming over to Daniella’s downstairs, so I’m going to pop down for a little bit and have dinner with them, and then later we’re having a family karaoke party! Do we know how to quarantine, or what!?!? LOL 

Love and tons of light, always, 

Me.

Day 78 – March 18th, 2020

More news, as per usual, but good news – my company will be paying me for the next two weeks!!!! So I can stay home in comfort and safety knowing I’m getting paid this Friday, and 2 weeks after that too. Thank GOD. Honestly, I’m so incredibly thankful. I know that I’m one of the lucky few who doesn’t have to worry immediately about funds. I don’t know what’s going to happen in April, but if I have to apply for EI I will. And by then, the process should be more streamlined I’m sure, so ultimately I’m not worried. Now, my main concern is just staying home and staying healthy, and keeping myself busy. 

So far, so good! Yesterday was a lot of fun – Olivia and I karaoke’d the day away, then we got ready for dinner because Adrian and Trevor came to join us. For our first family quarantine meal, we had lamb, mashed potatoes, salad and deep-fried pickles, LMAO. I’m going to gain so much weight if we keep up like this! I absolutely have to start working out or else I’m going to gain that “Quarantine Fifteen”. 

Anyways, I’m just here chilling at Adrian while he works from home. It’s been okay so far – he worked, and I watched a little docuseries explaining various topics from dreams to mindfulness to astrology to tattoos and weed! It was nice to feel my brain working for a little, and I think I’d like to make a point of spending an hour or two a day to keeping my brain active as well. Download some crosswords or word searches, find more documentaries or docuseries I can watch in small short bursts. 

Oh and, I got my ADHD medication replenished! Which is wonderful, because now when I want to choose a day to work on my book or focus on something, I have the means of doing so without getting distracted or losing interest too quickly or not having the motivation to start at all. 

It’s only the beginning of the next two weeks, and no doubt these two weeks are going to feel like a month in many ways. I’m looking forward to keeping as busy, active, healthy and creative as humanly possible and making the most of this time we were given. Humanity is on pause now, but that doesn’t mean we have to distance ourselves from love, faith, laughter, connection, positivity and hope. 

Anyways, I guess until next time! I’m going home tonight and spending the next few days at home, and then I’ll be back at Adrian’s. It’s not really any different than how regular life was, except now neither of us have work, and we all have so much more time than we usually did, LOL. Everything is in your head – just remember to put things into perspective and you won’t go stir-crazy.

Love and light always, 

Me.

Day 76 + 77 – March 16 & 17, 2020

Boy oh boy has it ever been an eventful couple of days. Ontario declared a state of emergency today, Canada locked down their borders to every country except the US, Caribbean and Mexico, our cases are jumping, our restaurants, bars and most public places have been shut down, most stores are closing down one by one in the mall, the panic buying has been all too real, and- oh yeah, right, I’ve been laid off indefinitely from work, LMAO. 

It was pretty hard to process at first, even though I knew it was coming. In fact, as of today, the entire store has been shut down and is closed for business. So everyone I know is basically out of work and will most likely have to apply for EI. This. Is. Crazy. 

I’m still not worried though. I’m sure the EI process will take some time but I’m hoping once it’s all sorted out, I’ll have money coming soon. And since I’ll be home 99% of the time minus when I go over to Adrian’s, it’s not like I’ll be spending any money anyways. Well, I wanted the opportunity to save and now I have it. Heh. 

It’s so strange, because this is what I wanted. I wanted to be home. But I’m still trying to adjust to it. Imagine getting everything you could have ever wanted within the blink of an eye. I’ll be able to stay home, with access to food, no serious bills to pay aside from my phone and credit card, access to the internet, and getting paid by the government. This is paradise, LOL. I’m more than happy to stay home and do my part by socially distancing myself and self-isolating. But it’s like… being on a diet, and then suddenly being told you can eat all the cake and sugary snacks you’ve ever wanted. 

I have to ease into it, slowly. This much freedom and abundance of time has to be used mindfully and carefully. Too much of a good thing can easily become a bad thing if abused or taken for granted. So when I’m in the right headspace for it, I’ll sit down and work on my quarantine schedule. For now, I’m sort of just going with the flow. Today’s essentially my first official day of “lockdown” or “quarantine”, I suppose. A new “Day 1”, LMAO. 

What will my Day 1 consist of? Well, so far, I slept in, made some noodles for me and Olivia (mi goreng instant noodles are legit the best in the world), we watched some news because Trudeau held a press conference, and now here I am writing this log. I think after I’m done this, Olivia and I are going to do some karaoke, and then when my dad comes home he’s making lamb and I’m going to make some mashed potatoes. 

This is our life now! Just got to get used to it, adapt and move through it accordingly. 

I have to make sure I’m also doing my best to take care of myself. It feels so good to be of service to others however and whenever I can be, but if I don’t make those exact same efforts towards and for myself, I won’t have enough to give others either. But I must say, I think I’m doing quite well for myself! I’m meditating more consistently, listening to my positive affirmations, breathing more consciously, and soon I’m going to bring on my painting, working out and working on my book. I’m writing to myself in my logs as openly and honestly as I can be, and doing my best to be mindful of my thoughts and emotions. 

It feels like my fearless alter ego self is back. I can feel her coursing through my veins, calm and strong as you please, ready for anything. I love that she can rise to the occasion, ready to help both myself and others, and do whatever she can out of love and compassion. Bravery truly is also rooted in compassion and love, too. Courage is feeling the fear and doing it anyways, but also being driven by the most golden of hearts. I’m happy. 

Anyways, I guess that’s about it for today! I’m going to go do some karaoke with Olivia, and sing my heart out, heh.

Until next time! Sending love and light into this world as much and as often as I can, with all of my heart. 

Love and infinite light,

Me.

Day 75 – March 15th, 2020

Hello, hello! I’m here and I’m writing, which is great. I actually have some stuff I’d like to talk to myself about today! 

Okay so a little background before I get into it – this whole pandemic thing is creating quite the divide between people. It’s becoming more and more evident that there are certain groups of people who hold particular significant opinions over what’s happening. There are those who are aware of what’s happening, choose to stay as informed as possible, and are rising to the occasion by social distancing, being cautious, and staying home as to not infect themselves or anyone else. There are those who are overwhelmed by the influx of information and negativity that is being constantly circulated on the news and who are choosing to not remain informed as a means of protecting themselves. And then, there are those who are very aware of what’s happening, but are openly claiming that this is, and I quote, “not a big deal”, “just the flu”, and that “everyone is overreacting”. These people are continuing to live their lives, go out as they please, and do what they want… at the risk of infecting EVERYONE. 

Now more than ever, I need to reiterate to myself how important it is that I know, understand, and abide by the fact that I cannot control anything or anyone outside of myself. I cannot dictate or influence how anyone is going to react to this, how they’re going to perceive this, or how they are intending to act accordingly. Now more than ever it is important for me to focus on maintaining my own inner peace by knowing that I myself personally am choosing to remain informed, do what I can for myself and others, and do my best to minimize the risk of continuous transmission. 

I respect those who are choosing to tune out, who are closing their energies to this and choosing not to entertain it. In my mind, I assume that these people know that they WILL let fear get the best of them, and rather than allowing that to happen, they’re receving information on a need-to-know basis and that’s that. I know that this group of people may be choosing the “ignorance is bliss” method for the most part, but again, I can’t control that, and even though I truly believe that everyone needs to be prepared, it’s not up to me to be informing people against their will. Fear is very, very powerful. Fear of fear is even worse. Right now, it is going to be significantly difficult for people to separate negativity from the information we are receiving and view things objectively. Death is not objective to many – it is personal, painful, fearsome and unfathomable. The same goes for illness. That’s why I get why alot of people are choosing to unplug. I don’t want to encourage fear or incite panic. But I do want to encourage oneness, strength, resiliency and positivity. 

It’s just interesting to me. To me, being informed gives me the means of understanding how I can be of service better. How I can help to stop this spread, “flatten the curve” as they say. I guess choosing to unplug is a form of self-love somehow – maybe one can still send light and love into the universe and do their part without having to know what exactly is going on but know of it, I suppose. It’s enough to just be at home and stay away from everyone, at this point. In fact, that’s exactly what needs to be done here. So if there are people out there who don’t need to or don’t want to know the gory details but are still doing their part to help, that’s enough. That’s more than enough. I can vibe with that. It’s not for me, but I get it. 

What bothered me the most in this case was the third scenario; the people who have their heads buried so far in the sand that they’re blatantly flaunting their denial and spreading their ignorance, and potentially this virus. There does seem to be less and less of these people as the seriousness of this virus becomes more and more evident. But man, at first, I was ready to fight everyone and anyone who told me “the flu is worse”, LMAO. 

But, yet again – here is another opportunity for me to further live out the lesson that I can only act and react within myself. I can’t control anything outside of myself. I have to understand that it is enough for me to be doing what I can. One way or another, it has to be enough. Because I know there are more people like me out there too who are doing what they can to spread love, faith, hope and positivity out into this world while still making the choice to imbibe all of this information with no connotations to it aside from simply being information, and using it to make informed, conscious and compassionate decisions. 

Don’t get me wrong – this is all very sad, very scary, and very heart-breaking. The suffering is paramount, especially in countries that are severely effected by this. This goes without saying. The news we are receiving daily is horrendous and life itself has gone into limbo as a result of this pandemic. We are at a standstill, and yet we are being called to act in one way or another. 

What I’m saying is, I am actively and consciously choosing to understand the severity of this situation, and by understanding it, I am able to make informed, considerate, and proactive decisions as a result. I am choosing to see the sadness, see the pain, and rather than making it my own and taking on its energy, I’m choosing to rise to the occasion and use this as an opportunity to revisit my levels of strength, resiliency and compassion. I am choosing to empathize with those who are effected, but I am not choosing to bring on a fear-narrative or state of worry about the circumstances that are now clearly out of my control. 

This is life. Life is this big, beautiful, complex, devastating, ever-changing, paradoxical yet simple in its truth, crazy and uncontrollable thing. I am surrendering to this experience. I am surrendering to this chaos without making it my own

It’s time to be strong. It’s time to have faith unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before. I’m excited for this test of faith and patience because I am ready to grow and learn more about myself and this world more than I ever have. It’s time to use the gifts that I have been given for the better – my compassion, my kindness and my strength will be needed now. Not just by me, but by many. It’s time to rise up as a collective and do my part within it. We will undoubtedly get through this, we absolutely will. Humanity is a collection of rising and falling, death and rebirth. That is what we are. The sooner we accept this, the sooner we can do what we can to rise and be reborn once more. 

I read this quote recently: “change is never painful, only your resistance to change is painful.” And that’s why I’m adopting this mindset of surrender. I am not going to try and resist what is happening, or resist the discomfort of uncertainty and the lack of control I now have been faced with. I very well could lose all my hours, and I still don’t know if I’m eligble for EI. But I’ve surrendered to this, because I know ultimately that no matter what happens, it’s for the highest good of the collective, and that I as an individual will absolutely be okay one way or another. I am taking care of me, and the Universe is taking care of me in turn. My faith will carry me through this experience. 

What I can do maybe, is choose to unplug just enough from time to time in order to give myself some brief respite. I’ve always believed in the middle way, and I know that I will find the middle way and the path of least resistance when it comes to this, too. And in the meanwhile, I plan to be as proactive as I can be on whatever level is available to me – I will educate myself as objectively as I can, share my wealth of knowledge with those who are open-minded and willing to learn in order to stave off transmission and flatten this curve, and I will practice social distancing, conscious hygiene, and help those in need wherever and however I can. I will practice self-soothing techniques in order to maintain the frequency of my vibration, practice mindfulness in order to be aware of what I am taking on in terms of energy and narrative, and continue to actively choose faith over fear every day and in every one of my thoughts and decisions. I will not fear-monger, I will not incite panic, and I will not spread messages of chaos and lack. 

This was a great log! Self-awareness has never been more important, LOL. 

Also – as things settle or when they do, as we head into some form of quarantine or lockdown, I plan on creating a quarantine schedule to keep myself busy and give myself some semblance of productivity and normalcy as the days begin to pass. I intend to bring on some time for painting, writing logs, writing my book, youtube zumba classes, work out, reading, and spending time with my loved ones. 

Everything is going to be just fine and we’re going to make it through this together. I know it in my heart and soul. In the meanwhile, I will let life be what it has become while doing my part to ensure that it will return to what we once knew, just a little different for the wear. 

Until tomorrow,

Love and light always, 

Me.