Day 17 + 18 – January 17th & 18th, 2020

HELLO, HELLOOOO! Guess where I’m typing this from!!! YES, my brand new laptop notebook thingy!! It’s sooooo cute and exactly as I envisioned it to be – it’s the perfect size for me, light, portable and super quick. Not to mention, it comes with google docs, which means I probably won’t have to go to the trouble of ordering any other software in order to type out my logs or work on my book! THIS IS AMAZING!!!! THANK YOU UNIVERSEEEEEE!!! 

Anyways, I’m about a half hour early to work – there’s a massive snowstorm going on right now, and I left early from Adrian’s just in case (but also because he had work too). 

I still can’t believe that we’re leaving to Aruba in less than two weeks time. TWELVE DAYS!!! And we’ll be sunning it up on one of the warmest islands in the Caribbean, gahhh. My heart is so happy, I’m honestly so thankful to travel as much as I do. With the sales and deals that I find when it comes to these trips, it makes everything so, so worth it honestly. 

Okay, I’m going to head into my shift but come break time I’ll be writing to finish this up! Hehehe, this is exactly what I wanted to be able to do. Thank you Universe, for the abundance I manifested in order to make these little personal goals of mine to come to fruition! I’m so thankful and grateful. BRB!

Well, I didn’t really end up getting to go on break to do this per se because I decided to get a coffee with some of the girls (I haven’t gone on break with anyone in months and it was about time I started hanging out with people again hehe) and since it’s dead, I decided to just whip out this little bad boy under the pretense of doing some work and type out this log, muahahah. I love this laptop so much :’) It’s honestly the perfect size for me. 

Anyways, how have I been? I haven’t done a self check-in in the longest time, not since this year began I believe! 

Well, in terms of my resolutions – I’ve been doing rather well with keeping up with my writing for the most part, so that’s good. But the meditation could definitely use some work. Instead of meditating though, sometimes I just pray. I pray for the people in my life, for myself, and I pray in gratitude for everything I have. To me, prayer is a good way to redirect and focus my thoughts to something of substance and quality, which I like. It also does make me feel meditative as well. So, it’s a work in progress, but it’s good progress at least!

I did get this notebook to start working on my book more concretely, so that’s also a great step in that direction as well! In terms of my petition – well, I’ve picked up the last of my paperwork from my doctor and I think I just have to re-do one CPS really. It’s just a matter of putting everything together and having it looked over, and then handing it in! I think I’ll make that my priority for February. Now that I have vacation on the mind, I don’t think I’ll be getting very much done until then or after the fact, hehe. 

How have I been feeling myself, personally? 

Things have been pretty great honestly! I’m doing my best to maintain my positive mindframe and practice my gratitude on a daily basis, always “choosing again” when it comes to my thoughts and trying my best to adjust to whatever challenges come my way.  

This is going to be an amazing year. I’m so looking forward to all that it has in store for me. I promise to be as disciplined as possible when it comes to being as in love with myself as humanly possible, with this world, with this life, with everything that it has to offer. 

Moving on – how has everything been in regards to my relationships? 

Well, things have been wonderful with Adrian as always. I don’t ever want to lose my butterflies, get too comfortable, take this or take him for granted. I’m so thankful for what we have, for having him in my life. This April will mark two years since our first date, and everything still feels the exact same – the passion, the affection, the adventure, the learning. In fact, it’s just grown and doubled since then it feels. 

I can’t believe that this is our third trip together! I’m so glad that he so whole-heartedly embraces my love of travel and even embarks on trips with me. I can’t imagine being in a relationship with someone who didn’t love travel and adventure as much as I do! Or being with someone who didn’t allow me to pursue that love on my own, too. I love travelling by myself, and I do promise to do at least one solo trip a year. It rejuvenates my soul in ways that I can’t even begin to explain. It’s a freedom unlike anything else. 

In terms of my friendships – I’m honestly really happy with my little circle. I have such good quality friendships, where I feel completely comfortable being myself. There’s never any pressure, and everything always feels so easy. From communication to hanging out, everything always goes with my flow, and I love it. This is exactly how I want things to be. To be able to have the kind of conversations that feed my mind and soul, as well as the minds and souls of the people who engage in them because they’re equally as interested in these topics as I am. 

Not to mention, I’ve been meeting the most incredible like-minded people through the people already in my life!!! Like hanging out at Chad at Vape Lounge, I get to meet the most chill people ever who are super down to engage in those same conversations. I’m honestly so happy and thankful. 

And it’s so great to have Radha back in my life! I know she’s still figuring things out and I’m here for her as she does, but it’s so nice to see her navigating things on her own terms too. 

Anyways! I think that’s pretty much it for me. I’m still trying to adjust to my new Vyvanse dosage – it’s a little bit stronger than I thought it would be and I keep getting nauseous here and there throughout the day. Not to mention, it really suppresses my appetite so I’ve been having a hard time eating as well. Then again, I just recently watched a documentary about how eating meat affects our bodies and man that really put me off too, LMAO. I’m slowly readjusting, but I definitely want to be a little bit more conscious about what I put into my body. I don’t think I could ever get to a point in my life that I give up meat completely. But going plant-based 3-4 days in the week could make a world of a difference for my body. 

Wow, I feel so much lighter after writing so much! I promise to myself that tonight, I will definitely meditate. Either through prayer, or through a breath-counting meditation for however long I can muster. I have to be willing to do the work if I’m going to keep up this energy and this mindframe. And I want to! I genuinely want to, for me. Because I know the difference it makes, I’ve seen it, and I’ve lived it. 

Anyways, I guess that’s about it for today. I spent a good while of this shift just writing and it was so nice to have the freedom to do this honestly, LMAO. I love when it’s dead season at work and there’s nothing else to do. I love having all this free time! It barely feels like I’ve been at work this month in comparison to how busy last month was and how much of my life it took up. 

I think this log has helped me to get used to this keyboard too, what with all the typing that I just did hehe. Honestly though, thank you again Universe. This past week, I was able to afford dying my hair blonder, getting this laptop for myself in order to start working on my book and keep up with my logs, and booking the flight tickets for both myself AND Seb! That’s amazing! 

I’m always being looked after by both myself and the Universe (along with everyone who loves and cares for me, of course) and I’m constantly being blessed, always open to the blessings that are meant for me. THANK YOU THANK YOU UNIVERSE!!! THANK YOUUUUU!

Until my next log, 

Love always and in every way possible, 

Me.

Day 15 + 16 – January 15 & 16, 2020

Hello, hello! I just spent the last hour or so intensely cleaning the kitchen and boy did it feel pretty good! Almost therapeutic. 

Anyways, on a more super happy ridiculously awesome note – Adrian and I are headed to Aruba exactly 2 weeks from today!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! My first trip of the year :’) I’m SOOOOOO excited!!! I’m so happy it’s somewhere I’ve never been before, not to mention this is going to be our first vacation in a sunny destination as opposed to our last two trips, which were more about the adventure and exploration of two amazing cities.

I was waiting for a sign from the universe, and today Adrian brought up some cheap flight deals to Aruba for certain dates, but the stop overs were daunting. So, out of curiosity I started looking at the other dates I’d been considering before, and noticed that the weekend in 2 weeks had dropped down to $407 which was AMAZING. I knew that it was coming up soon and I also knew that Sharon was considering going away those same dates, but I couldn’t help but send them to Adrian anyways to see what he’d say.

Turns out, those dates checked out for him and worked perfectly fine, and before I knew it he’d already told his office LMAO! And so, it was left to me to convey with Maria, Sharon, and get a couple shifts I was scheduled for potentially covered. Heart racing a mile a minute, I called Maria first – and she was okay with it! In fact, even IF Sharon did end up booking something, she was fine with us both going either way just as long as we had coverage for us both.

I called someone right away and he took my shift, and then got a hold of Sharon. Now, I could kind of sort of tell she was kind of eh about me once again booking vacation the exact same dates she’d already claimed, but once I explained to her that Maria gave me the green light already, she seemed to perk up a bit.

And that was that!!! I let Adrian know that I too had received the green light, and booked the tickets!!!

I’m sooooooooooooooooo excited and happy and just I have that amazing warmth and tingle in my body just thinking about travelling again. I won’t ever stop, I won’t let anyone ever take this love away from me because it makes my soul sing in ways I never knew it could. I still can’t believe we booked a ticket literally 2 weeks in advance but hey, that’s us!! We just make it work somehow, some way. It’s sheer magic.

I knew the day would come. Thank you Universe, for helping me to be patient and manifest accordingly – not on my timing, but on yours, which is perfect as always.

I’m seeing Adrian tomorrow, which is perfect because we can nab our accommodations (which there are plenty of – beautiful, inexpensive and private) and maybe get some excursions in the works too. It’s going to be a lovely trip and I’m so glad I’m starting off my travels with the love of my life.

Days 10 to 14 – January 10th to 14th, 2020

First slip of the year so far! But it’s okay. I’ve been doing pretty well for the most part. I spent this past weekend with Adrian and then went right into work, but honestly I could have found the time to write. BUT (yet again) I think I may have done something to remedy that…

But, (last one), I’m getting ahead of myself here.

I have so much to catch up on! Adrian and I did shrooms this weekend and it was quite the experience. I finally felt it was time to get back onto the shrooms train and I’m glad I did! So many realizations to be had, so many deep conversations.

Radha also hit a bit of a wall which I’d like to talk about, but I want to do all of this on my brand new notebook laptop which is soon to come!!!

I don’t want to continue writing these logs on my phone because I get way too easily distracted by all the other things on it, and I also end up forgetting to write as a whole. I’m hoping that getting this notebook will help me solidify this habit, since I’ll be able to bring it around with me. Better yet…

…it’s about time for me to begin writing my book. That’s the main reason I got this notebook. I want to take whatever moment I can to write, when I can, wherever I can. That means on breaks, or after work, or whenever inspiration strikes. And this notebook came to me with the seal of approval from the universe (asked for a sign, and I received 3 versions of that sign in particular) so it’s definitely meant to be. I can’t wait!

Anyways, I want to save all that detailed stuff for when it comes in. It shouldn’t be too long I believe. In the meanwhile, I’m going to keep conversing and working with the universe to follow my path and do what I must to manifest my deepest dreams.

I’ll be writing again soon, and hopefully it’ll be on that notebook!

Love always and immensely,

Me.

Day 8 + 9 – January 8th & 9th, 2020

Hello! I didn’t get a chance to write yesterday because I went straight from work to Adrian’s. I’m going to keep this short and sweet today, because… well, just because.

There’s a lot of sadness and fear permeating the air these days. A lot of stuff on the news that I can’t help but take in, and I spent a lot of today with this churning pit of anxiety in my stomach. It’s hard not to hold onto fear sometimes with everything that’s going on.

But I don’t want to live with it and let it dictate my life. I understand what’s going on, I understand the gravity of it all. But I have to keep shining my light into this world – it’s the only way to make anything better. I have to be a light worker, like the author of the book I’m reading says. Doing my part is all I can do and it has to be enough, some way, some how.

Writing really does help though. I’m glad I’ve started doing this again, and my gratitude journal is also a wonderful solace. Especially because I can look back and see all the things I have to be grateful for, and it’s so much. Thank you, thank you Universe, always. Gratitude and appreciate help to combat the fear and worry. I promised myself that this year, I wouldn’t spend another day living in anxiety or worry and I have to do my part to make it so. I can talk the talk but it won’t make any difference unless I walk the walk too.

So I’m going to meditate tonight, and be more diligent about that. I’m sure it’ll make a world of a difference. Also my breathing has been helping a lot – whenever I start to notice the anxiety, I just take a really deep, full breath right into my stomach and it helps to ease the knots.

Anyways!! Olivia came back today, and we spent this entire day catching up about her trip and everything’s she’s missed while she was gone. It’s so nice to have her back, I missed her soooooo much! It almost feels as though she never left now, hehe.

Life’s what you make it. Tomorrow, I’m going to wake up and be energized and happy and be thankful that I get to wake up at all. It’s going to be a good day because I want it to be, because I know it will be.

Wow, I’m already feeling loads better. Life is good. It’s better than good, it’s amazing. Everything is working out exactly as it is meant to in perfect timing. You are blessed and you are loved. Love right back, just as hard. You got this.

Anyways, I’m going to play some Mario Kart now until I’m sleepy heh. Adrian got it for me for Christmas and I haven’t stopped playing since, it’s so addictive!

Until tomorrow,

Love always and so whole-heartedly,

Me.

Day 7 – January 7th, 2020

Ho. ly. SHIT.

Mind-boggling absolutely transforming alchemical magical day today with Radha. I don’t even know where to begin. Holy crap.

We were so present in every single moment that it felt like we spent a week of time together just talking and exchanging energy and manifesting incredible occurrences that we both needed.

We challenged each other, supported each other, started off our morning by dancing around, went crystal shopping together and found the exact pieces we needed in our lives, read tarot cards and pulled oracle cards to receive messages from the Universe and I am LIVINGGGGG for this stuff. I don’t really have anyone in my life that I can really be super super spiritual with aside from Krystal and sometimes Chad (like talking about astral projection, the 5D, light bodies, star seeds, crystals, you name it) but Radha is right there with me and I’m right there with her. I know we would sound absolutely insane or very hippie-dippy to anyone else but this is what propels us forward into our consciousness and into being constantly present-moment aware.

And I manifested something HUGE today with her help! Like, HUGE. I even ran out of my house down the street barefoot screaming at the top of my lungs because I was that grateful and that in awe of the sheer magnitude of the way these circumstances unfolded.

While Radha and I were hanging out today, I got a call from my rep that the invoices I had sent in for all the demos and myself did not go through to head office, and as a result they did not get processed and a whole bunch of people (including me) would not be paid this Friday. She also said there was nothing that could be done, since a whole new budgeting year had begun as of today, and the deadline for last year had been yesterday at 1 pm.

First, I felt awful. I felt so guilty for being the reason that people wouldn’t get paid this Friday, especially when a lot the people on our team depend on this job as their sole source of income. Second, I felt so bad for not double-checking the email right after I’d sent it to make sure that all the invoices I’d scanned had gone through. But let’s not dwell on that.

I thought about my new-found faith. What was I to do? Was I to leave it all up to the Universe, surrender, do nothing and hope for the best? Was I meant to act in some form or way without attempting to “manic manifest” or control the outcome by reacting frantically? I even got to a denial point that Radha immediately called me out for – I started saying I would be fine if this money didn’t come in because I was doing “okay” financially at the moment.

But she helped me see that I don’t just want to settle for “okay”. I’m so appreciate of my “okay” and where I am right now, but she made me see that it’s more than okay to want more. It was more than okay for me to want that paycheque deposited in my bank account this Friday despite everything I’d been told. But I was scared. I was scared to want more out of fear that that want would be born out of desperation and what I wanted wouldn’t manifest.

So we went to the crystal store and I got my mind off things while deciding to leave it to the Universe for the time being. Something told me that I would know exactly what I was meant to do, and when I was meant to do it.

We found wonderful crystals to add to each of our collections, and Radha picked up an oracle deck inspired by the writings of Rumi.

On our way back, I was feeling so much better and uplifted, and I decided to give the head of HR a call. I’d tried earlier when I was in a more worried state and reached reception. There was one point where my call didn’t even go through before! But this time, in the car, my call went straight through to her. Before I called her though, I said to myself in my head clearly: “Universe, I want that paycheque in my bank account on Friday. I’m not afraid to ask for this. I want to manifest this. Let it be known, let it be done.”

On the phone with her, I humbly acknowledged that this whole situation was my fault entirely, and I asked her that if there was anything that could be done, anything at all, even the slightest bit would help. She admitted that the finance team in head office may have been able to manually create cheques for certain people (people with 20+ hours who needed the pay by this Friday, such as myself) even though that was no longer protocol.

She said she would get back to me if the team was willing to engage in this process, and if they were, the cheques probably wouldn’t be ready until sometime next week and we’d all have to physically come into head office in order to pick them up as opposed to having them automatically deposited into our accounts as they usually are. But I was so happy for even the slightest possibility that we could still get paid without having to wait until the next pay period at the end of the month, I thanked her profusely and told her anything would help, and that I was looking forward to hearing from her as soon as she knew.

Eventually, Radha and I got home and we were looking up the meanings of our new crystals when her new friend called, yet another spiritually charged being that I’m so excited to meet one day. They call each other every day to establish and reinforce their abundance mindset, and I felt so inspired by their conversation and her sheer pure energy that I could even feel through her voice on the phone.

 

I received a text from Maria at that exact moment, but I didn’t check it until after our conversation with Radha’s friend was done. When I checked, Maria had texted: “Hi Stephanie… you’re all getting paid.

I immediately called Maria and asked her how she knew that, and it turns out our rep called the head of HR shortly after I did and ironed everything out. I asked Maria if we would have to physically go in to pick up our cheques as mentioned we may have had to do, and Maria said no, that it should definitely be in our bank accounts come this Friday.

When I got off the phone with Maria, I sat there in shock and let the realization of what just happened wash over me. It happened. What I envisioned, what I wanted to manifest… it. happened.

I started screaming at the top of my lungs, ran out of my living room, down the stairs, out the door, and pelted down the street, barefoot, waving my arms over my head, continuously yelling with literally no cares as to who heard me or saw me. I was so elated, so excited, so in awe, SO GRATEFUL! I couldn’t believe it.

When I came back in the house, I sat down and put my head in my hands. It was pure magic. Magic! I had faith, I held onto my faith in the face of my fear and worry, I put aside reacting and decided to trust in this process and knew that this was a test, somewhere deep in my soul. And as a result, the Universe had my back. The Universe heard me and inspired me and gently nudged me when it was time for me to do my part. I knew when to act, and I knew when to let things be.

What a day man. It’s been nothing short of pure magic, and I’m so glad that me and Radha’s combined energy creates this amazing energetic field where literally anything is possible. I’m so happy she can teach me to see things differently, and that I can teach her what I know too.

Anyways, that’s all for today! Tomorrow, I’m hanging out with Adrian after work – he made us reservations for a really cool Japanese restaurant that is similar to KBBQ and I’m so excited. Not just for the food, but to see him. I still get excited butterflies and even though it’s only been a couple days, I miss him and want to be with him hehe.

Until tomorrow!

Love always and infinitely,

Me.

Day 6 – January 6th, 2020

I feel like these days, I’m always on the brink of tears – I want to cry, because I’m so filled with this overwhelming sense of love, peace, happiness, excitement and gratitude. Everything is just culminating in this massive movement of faith within my innermost being, all the messages I need I am receiving one after the other, and I just… I’m so unbelievably thankful. I think I need a day to just reflect on all of this and cry my eyes out because I’m so happy, LMAO.

There’s so many things I want to do, my body is literally vibrating with energy. But I have to be patient. I’m glad I have all of this motivation and excitement. But I have to take things on, one at a time, as lovingly as I can. Everything is going to happen this year because I’ve finally stopped resisting. I’ve surrendered EVERYTHING to the Universe, to my guides. I know what my dreams and goals are – but I’m not going to frantically scramble towards them out of fear or desperation. I’m making them clear to myself, to the Universe, and then letting them go. I’m allowing what is meant to be without trying to control the process or the outcome.

I’m honestly so excited for each and every single day. Who I will meet, what I will learn, what messages I will receive, how I receive them, the signs and synchronicities.

Oh! In the book I’m reading, it says to make clear to the Universe when/how you want a sign when you’re deliberating about something or when you need confirmation to know you’re on the right path. I initially made my sign my birthday (seeing 10, or 18, or 10:18 on the clock). But I would like to get clear on a couple more signs that speak to me.

I see 6:32 when I know my angel is near by; I want that number to confirm to me when my guide is close. When I hear a song that I just mentioned or just thought about, it’s because it signifies I’m on the right track (hehe punny). If I ever hear “Patience” or “Faith” come on my phone on shuffle or on the radio, it’s because the Universe is reminding me to have faith an have patience in any circumstance I find myself in.

There’s something else. I can’t put my finger on it. I don’t know if it’s a song, a person, a conversation, a symbol, an animal, a cloud formation, I don’t know. But I think I’ll know when I see it. It’s a sign that… it’s time to do something in particular. Again, don’t know what it pertains to or why how or, but it’ll just be a series of circumstances. (FEATHERS)

Kind of like how I started talking to Radha again in 2018! I saw her post on Instagram about graduating, and my inner voice told me it was time to reach out. Can’t explain how or why or where it came from, all I know is that it felt right.

And that’s the ultimate end-goal for me: I want to start hearing my inner voice again, clearly and concisely. It’s not exactly a legit “voice” per se – it’s a feeling, a “nudge” almost, a sudden thought that comes up in my mind that I have to do a certain thing or say a certain thing to someone, or go to a certain place. It’s like letting my feet lead me.

FEET! FOOT STEPS. That’s another symbol. I don’t know why. But if I ever see footsteps, ANYWHERE, or in any way, I have to follow. I have to.

Anyways, I’m on my break and I’m writing this log now because tonight, Radha’s coming over, but even before that, I’ve promised two people at work that I’d help them with some writing stuff. It’s nice to know that my writing is coming back into play; I’ve missed that passion of mine.

I’ve also decided something in my head that I’m going to share with myself here: I’m not going to be posting these logs online, at least not for a while or until it feels right. I have this feeling that I need to keep this energy to myself right now because it’s so, so important and vital and precious. I have to keep building this momentum, for myself first. I have to write for ME.

Wow, I’ve written quite a bit today! But I’ve got to get back to work now, this has been quite a long break LOL.

Tomorrow I’m off and I’m spending it with Radha, but I promise to write when I can!

Love always and in every way,

Me.

Day 5 – January 5th, 2020

Hello! It’s late and night and I should be getting to sleep, BUT before I do, I must talk about some extraordinary occurrences today that made me realize I’m on the brink of something or well on my way towards the path of alignment.

Last night, I spent the night at Adrian’s and this morning when we woke up, he was telling me how beautiful I am. Literally the words, “you are so beautiful”, and I couldn’t help but sing back “to meeeeeeee, can’t you seeeeeee” and then he started serenading me with the actual song, hehe. It was so cute, I love our mornings together. Anyways, back to the point – he was dropping me off to work, and we were listening to 97.3 as per usual. This station usually has all the classic rock hits of the 80’s and 90’s, like Aerosmith, Guns n’ Roses, sometimes some ABBA, The Police, those real rock n’ roll oldies.

He was in the midst of telling me about how he never used to play Smash Brothers Brawl when I suddenly realized what was playing on the radio… it was the SAME SONG HE WAS SINGING TO ME IN THE MORNING! “You Are So Beautiful” by Joe Cocker, which of all our times in the car listening to this radio station we’ve never ONCE heard played! And we listen quite a bit I must say.

We both stared at each other in shock and awe before resuming our conversation normally. These synchronicities help me to know I’m in the right place at the exact right moment, so I’m thankful for every one that I am given no matter how big or small. Not to mention, this particular synchronicity just affirms the magic between Adrian and I.

The other synchronicity is something I will not go into detail about as I would wish to protect its energy for now, but I must say it was a big one. What I will say is this: I met one of my angel guides! It was such an incredible experience. The whole world fell away for a couple brief moments. I didn’t even get her name, but she gave me a kind hug when she said goodbye that warmed me to my core.

Lately, I haven’t been closing myself off to the world or being guarded. I’ve been opening myself up to random interactions with strangers or starting conversations with passerby’s. I recently read in my current book “Super Attractor” about guides. The author wrote that our guides are all around us, watching us and protecting us, but also waiting for us to ask for help and guidance. Waiting for us to open our arms to them the same way they’ve been waiting with open arms for us.

Well Universe, I’m opening my arms and my heart. I’m ready for your guidance in whatever form or person you decide is best. I need your help, I need my guides help, I need to have faith that I am being well taken care of and that everything is unfolding for my highest good.

I know she was an angel of some kind, a guide for sure. She gave me the information I needed. Now, it’s a matter of how I use it.

Anyways, this is my first real official week back to work and into January mode. Today was a really chill shift, and I’m looking forward to the respite that this month will provide. Radha’s coming over tomorrow to sleepover, and I can’t wait to see her!!!! 

Well, that’s about it for today! I’m looking forward to this brand new week and all the opportunities that are in store for me. Bring it on Universe! I couldn’t be more excited.

Love always,

Me.