Day 48 – February 17th, 2017

Hello, hello! So, today was yet another great day! The highlight – making my daily target in sales, doing almost double the amount I needed, and getting to tell my general sales manager about it. And then, she recognized that I did well last week, which is HUGE. I’m doing it! I really am! Maybe this raise isn’t so completely out of the realm of possibility after all!

Tomorrow, I’m heading to Mississauga to hang out with my friends, and I think Lianna may be dying Chloe’s hair, if she’s up to it though; she’s been feeling pretty under the weather these days, and even called in sick today. So, we shall see!

Anyways, that’s about it for today! THREE MORE DAYS LEFT UNTIL I LEAVE TO HAWAII! I cannot WAIT for the adventures that await me!!! I think I’m going to bring my laptop so that I can keep doing my logs there, and that way I won’t have to type everything into my phone instead.

 

Anyways, I think I shall head to bed now!

But before I go – this year… so far, has just been… I don’t know man. Just brimming with endless possibilities and hope. I need to remember that, to hold onto that light and never let it go. My heart is so content. I just want to be able to remember this feeling; this feeling of, “everything’s going to be okay. Everything’s going to turn out exactly as it’s meant to, you’ll see.”

I believe in that. I really do. Because for the first time in a long time, I believe in me.

Alright, off to bed I go!

With love, for myself of course,

Me.

Day 47 – February 16th, 2017

Hello! So today was indeed an absolutely amazing day. My coworkers and I spent our entire shifts just talking because there was quite literally no one to sell to. But, the best parts of my day began once Dylan came into work…

We were all in a group talking, and at one point, Jake mentioned that he thought that I was Italian, and Dylan died laughing because I clearly DO NOT look Italian. And then, he proceeded to put his arm around me, and joked that I was his “paisan”. It was so, so, so cute, and I love how touchy he is!! I bet he’s so affectionate. (My heart is currently trying to claw her way out of the confinements I’ve locked her up in, LOL).

And then, Luna was joking about how I wanted to stay in my bikini the entire time, and he kind of defended me, saying how if he were there too, he’d never wear a shirt. And then, I don’t remember what remark she made, but he replied, “Well it doesn’t really matter to me because it’s not like I’m going to be there to see it”, which made me die of laughter. He’s so smooth!

But my favourite moment, which I can’t believe I almost forgot about, was this – I had noticed that he had something on his face, like a little toothpaste, so after we stopped talking to everyone, I called him back. And he came over to me, and I told him that he had a little something on his cheek, and I pointed to it, and I don’t know if I just voluntarily did it or if he wanted me to, but he came pretty close to me and I ended up trying to get it off of his cheek myself with my thumb, and it was SO. CUTE. I think he started blushing because I noticed that he was turning a little red? Either way, it wasn’t coming off, so I joked about using my saliva. He ended up getting it off himself with his own though.

And then after, he was like, “about the saliva thing, as long as you don’t have AIDS, I would have been okay with it.” And I laughed, and said, “I definitely do not, and now you know for future reference”. Le sigh.

I told him today that I know the entire verse in “Love the Way You Lie” part 2 and I told him one day I’d rap it for him. And he was like, “you got bars eh?”, and I was like “oh yeah, I can spit”, which made him laugh.

At the end of my shift, when I was about to leave, I stopped by him and he gave me this look where I knew he was about to say goodbye, right? And as he came towards me, he told me… that he was going to miss me. And while this may not seem like a big deal, it is to me, because I’m not used to guys being so openly straight forward, expressive and communicative.

When I left to Sri Lanka for a month and a half, I sent Nick this nice sentimental message about how much I would miss him, and how I would be excited to see him when I got back. And all he said to me? Literally, “Okay, bye.” LOL.

Anyways, back to Dylan – I was so taken aback that all I said was “aww”. *face palm*. I gave him a really big hug though! And then I reminded him that he had to go to Luna’s car, so we walked out together. He told me earlier that day that he was looking for another job, possibly in bartending. So, I made up for my moment earlier by telling him that I hoped he got what he was looking for, but that I would miss him and not have anyone to really talk to as much. He replied he would miss everyone a lot too, and that maybe he’d come back a few times.

As we were walking to Luna’s car, I luckily remembered the Waterloo thing, so I was like, “Hey, you remember that one time you told me about that place in Waterloo, Pub on King? I think I may be checking it out when I go to Waterloo for St. Patrick’s day.” And he got really excited and was like “you’re going to Waterloo for St. Paddy’s? Me too! The 17th, right?” And I was like “yeah!” and he was like “okay, we’re definitely going to meet up then, for sure.”

Thank. Goodness. Because, if he does find a job and doesn’t come back, today would have been the last time we saw each other for a really long time. But I’m so glad that we’ll be seeing each other, on an outside-of-work capacity. It should be interesting! I guess we’ll get to know each other on a less professional basis now.

I think it’ll be good to go away for a while and just clear my head because, I know I have a crush and it’s not something I want to fixate on right now, I think. I think he’s so incredibly sweet, and such a good guy. But, I don’t quite know how to proceed right now. I think it’s just best to wait and see what St. Patrick’s brings. I’ll get to see how he acts outside of work, when he’s with all his friends. Who knows, maybe his personality will change a bit! You adapt to your surroundings right, and being at work, we’re surrounded by adults, so we reflect back what we’re surrounded by.

Today was so good though. Oh and, I got my nails done, and then me and Luna went for some authentic ramen after! It was so good, and it was the perfect end to a perfect day.

I still can’t believe I touched his cheek. I can’t believe I get to experience moments like that in life, like TV/movie moments. Sigh.

I need to keep in mind that I. Just. Got. Out. Of. A. Relationship. I still need time to heal! I can’t be jumping from one relationship to pursue the possibility of another one!!! I’m supposed to be focusing on myself for a while! LOL. I’ll be defeating the very purpose of me breaking up with Nick in the first place, if I don’t give myself the time I need to grow as a person. Keep that in mind, me!

Anyways, it’s gotten late now, so I think I shall head to bed. I get to sleep in at least, because I work late tomorrow, so that’s nice. I love working! I love being able to talk to everyone at work, it honestly feels like we’re just hanging out and it’s so fun.

So, until tomorrow!

Love,

Me.

Day 46 – February 15th, 2017

Hello! Today was a good day! It went by quite quickly actually. These days are literally flying by in a blur! I can’t believe how quickly time is passing.

Luna scheduled herself and I for a mani-pedi tomorrow and I’m SO EXCITED! This is my first time ever doing this, but I really want to go all out for this vacation. So tomorrow should be a really good day too. For more reasons than that, of course… Dylan is in tomorrow again, I’m really hoping I’ll get to catch him for a little while.

I definitely have a crush. Although, Ryan kind of pointed out a little truth today – yeah, I want to be friends. But there’s only so far that can go before it enters the place of no return; the dreaded “friend zone”. I don’t want it to go there! I mean, I would prefer to see how far this could possibly go without having to go there. But we’ll see.

Ooh, and I got my go pro camera today! It can connect to my phone through Wi-Fi, it can be submerged under water, and it takes HD videos and pictures! I’m so excited to use it while I’m in Hawaii, so I can take really cool underwater pictures and videos.

I think that’s about it for today! I have a great day ahead of me tomorrow, so I’m really looking forward to it.

Until then!

Love,

Me.

Day 45 – February 14th, 2017

Not bad for my first Valentine’s Day on my own in six years! So, today was pretty damn amazing LOL. My silly little heart is still doing her victory dance and jumping around. I don’t know what I’m going to do with her, honestly. But she’s me, and I’m her and I love me so it’s all good. I don’t know if any of that made sense but it’s really late at night now and I have half an hour to write this log.

So basically, Dylan worked the same shift as me tonight, and we basically spent about 90% of our shift talking to one another about literally everything and anything that came to our minds. I love how easy to talk to he is! I remember Sera saying something about how he’s quite talkative, and holy crap, I love it so much.

I really feel like we’re making an effort to become friends, and that makes me happy. I like establishing a good and proper foundation before anything else. And hey, if nothing progresses out of this, then at least I’ll have gained a new friend. Albeit an extremely good-looking, muscular, smart, funny, sweet, intellectual, mature new friend, but a new friend nonetheless. He’s honestly so cute.

I learnt a lot about him today! And yes, just like the old days, I’m about to go into detail because I love remembering the little things. Let’s see…

So we talked about Valentine’s Day and how expensive it is, and how it’s just another day of work for us, a Tuesday if you will. I told him that chocolate covered strawberries are eighty bucks at Godiva, and he told me about his friend splurging about two hundred dollars just for dinner, even though there was a set priced menu. We both agreed that we felt sorry for the people who bought into this commercialization of this day.

We talked about so much! I learnt that he’s been having problems with his neck (didn’t ask why/how though, got to do that next time), and how he’s been doing physio for it for the past six months. He told me about how his knee has been making him uncomfortable, and I told him to be careful and told him what happened to Chloe and how she’s at home now because of her knee. He told me how scary it was that he could easily tear his ACL if one move went wrong in his training/fighting, and I told him to take care of that ASAP because it was better to be safe than sorry. I really hope that nothing happens to him because, he’s so clearly passionate about what he’s doing and I would hate for that to be taken away from him over an injury.

He told me that he may be entering a friendly tournament for MMA, and about how he had to lose ten pounds before the match in order to be in a certain weight class. And then, he told me about his last resort way of achieving that – he takes super-hot baths for six hours with tons of Epsom salts and basically gets rid of all the water weight in his body, aka dehydrates himself, which is really not good for the body, LOL.

He taught me a little more about the kind of fighting he does – it’s “Gracie jiu-jitsu”, a derivative from Brazilian jiu-jitsu, and that his trainer actually comes from the family that originated that type of fighting, the Gracie family. He’s been doing it for about six months, but he loves it and hopes to compete for real by the time he’s 22. The tournament he might be entering in April is friendly and will be good experience for him, and although he doesn’t really care if he wins or loses, he does want to win because that’s how he is when it comes to sports.

We talked about sports a little – like how much he loves hockey and how by far it’s his favourite sport. He really enjoyed the centennial game and thanked me again for the hat and scarf (to which I replied that it was the least I could do, for everything he’d done for me). We talked a little bit about basketball too, and I was able to because of what Leila told me today! I explained that my friends are basketball fanatics and that’s why I knew what he was talking about, LOL. I told him that I would love to learn about the world of sports.

We talked about the book he read over the weekend, Win or Learn! He went more in depth as to what happens in the book – it’s about a man who nearly got beaten to death, and then taught himself how to fight through a magazine, started training people in his garage, and then one day, this skinny little kid walked in and they trained together and that kid is now multi-million dollar UFC fighter Conor McGregor. He’s brought this fighter up before to me, so I was able to recall the name. I’ll add it to my reading list, because it seems really interesting but also because I love reading the books that people love – it’s like listening to someone’s favourite song, and learning more about them as a result.

Speaking of song – there was one point that I was walking towards him, and he was like, “do you predominantly listen to hip-hop?” First of all, I LOVE THE WAY HE SPEAKS. “Predominantly”. Ugh, I want to marry him.

I told him that I listen to everything, and I asked why he asked, and he brought up that moment we spent in his car when he was helping me with my allergic reaction. While we were sitting there, J.Cole came on, and I had asked him if he had heard his new album. (So, so cute that he remembered this tiny detail). In all honesty, I had asked because I thought that he was into hip hop. But today, I learnt that while he loves and idolizes Eminem, he’s more so into rock. He likes Cage the Elephant, and told me to listen to their newer album. I told him that I really liked that band he discovered, Goodbye June, and their song Darlin’.

We mutually helped out a couple today and ended up selling something from our each of our lines. As I went to write down the sale, I couldn’t help but tell him that we make a good team, to which he agreed.

He brought me his copy of the Alchemist later in the shift, and told me that I definitely had to read the foreword. I told him I already wanted to read the whole book, I was that excited. I have to thank him again on Thursday (he’s working again) properly, for lending it to me, because I don’t think I did today.

I know we talked about more, like when we interacted with other people and sharks in Hawaii came up and when Daniella kissed her own arms because of how much she loves herself, which made us die of laughter.

But, conclusion of all this detailed conversation I’ve just written down? I have a crush, for sure. He may be four years younger than me, but it honestly doesn’t feel that way when we’re talking, which we do a lot. Also, any moment that he came close to me, be it for checking a price or when he peered over my shoulder to read what I was reading in the inner flap of the book he lent me, I felt some real chemistry there.

I know that I’m definitely attracted to him on a physical level – he’s stunningly good-looking, tall, has gorgeous hazel-green eyes and is very well built. His smile makes my stomach feel all flippy.

But, it’s talking to him and getting to know him as a person that’s really cinching it for me. He’s so easy and fun to talk to, he’s funny, smart, thoughtful, so mature for his age, and genuinely a really good guy. And, I’ve directly experienced his level of selflessness – he stayed by my side throughout the entire allergy thing, and was even about to take me to the hospital in his car. He reads, which is HUGE to me, and he’s got ambitions in so many different aspects of his life, be it personal or academic.

While my heart is leaping, logical me (aka my brain) is keeping a tight leash on my heart. It’s not that I’m afraid of getting hurt or that I don’t want to pursue this – it’s just that I would rather let things happen organically without my feelings getting entangled in everything. I really do want to develop a friendship first. I think friendship is so important, and is the proper and healthy foundation to whatever else this could possibly turn into. In all honesty, it may not turn into anything at all, you never know!

He’s a really great guy and I’m so glad that I’ve met him so that I can know that guys like him really do exist. But when it comes down to it, I literally just got out of a three year relationship about a month ago. I still have feelings that I need to get past, I have things I need to do for myself, and there are definitely still some things I need to come to terms with in regards to my own personal insecurities. While I may be a lot better off now than I was while I was in my relationship, I still have ways to go on this new found self-love journey.

So, friends. (For now).

Well, this turned into a much longer log than I thought it would be, LOL. Definitely because of all the details, but that’s okay! I love the little things. I want to remember every bit of it.

It’s been such a great day, and a fantastic Valentine’s Day. I’m looking forward to the rest of this week! Mostly because once it’s over, I’M LEAVING TO HAWAII!!!!!!!! 6 MORE DAYS!!!!

I’m well into Day 46 territory now so, I’m going to bring this log to its close. Until tomorrow!

Love,

Me.

Day 44 – February 13th, 2017

Hello! I had a pretty great day today! I got started on some of my packing, and got most of my outfits out of the way. I’m SO, SO, SO, SO EXCITED!! As of tomorrow, there’s one more week until we take off! I can’t wait to have more than a week straight of time to myself and my thoughts! It’s so hard to come by real free time these days, time free of stressful thoughts and the urge to keep going and going. It’ll be nice to truly relax, after so long.

So, tomorrow is Valentine’s Day! My first Valentine’s Day being single after 6 years. Wow. In all honesty, it doesn’t bother me at all. It’s another day of the year. And really, it’s more so a commercialized day than a day of real sentiment. As cliché as this may be, every day in a relationship should feel like Valentine’s Day. Or at least, most days. So no, I won’t be missing anything or anyone tomorrow, because to me, tomorrow’s just Tuesday, and I have work.

Don’t get me wrong though – I love my holidays. I love themes, and I love the idea of it. But, I’m not buying into the whole “if you’re single on Valentine’s Day, you must be miserable” gimmick, because I know better than that. I’m not miserable – I’m actually happier than I’ve been in a really long time! I’m not letting a day like Valentine’s Day take that away from me! That would be silly.

Plus, I should have plenty of distraction – Dylan texted me today to ask me if I was working tomorrow, because he’s in tomorrow and wanted to wish me a safe trip. (CUTE). We ended up talking a little bit about books and stuff; he’s bringing me his copy of The Alchemist by Paolo Coelho, so I can read it while I’m in Hawaii. Have I mentioned that I love that he reads? It’s such a turn on, jeez.

I need to be much more chill when it comes to this. And in all honesty, I don’t want to play games or whatever – that’s never been who I am. I like straight forward simplicity, texting with no ulterior motives or intentions, etc. I just got to be myself, because that’s MORE than good enough! I’m not trying to impress anyone. So that’s that!

Anyways! I’ll write after my shift tomorrow! Until then! Wish me luck with… things… LOL.

Love,

Me.

Day 43 – February 12th, 2017

Okay, so I’m slightly upset. I literally just typed a whole log, albeit not a very long one I’ll admit, and my computer just froze and I lost the whole log. Not to mention, part of my log from yesterday is gone too (although that’s more so my fault for forgetting to save after I finished).

Before I lost this log, I talked about what I’m doing this week (class, work, packing, etc.) and also I had a little bit of a realization that I would like to be a more positive person (because I mentioned that I hate Mondays).

I talked about how people beg to see another Monday, just so that they could see another day in general. I’m lucky to be alive. I need to remember that. Positivity is important and it’s something I want to incorporate into my every day, as a natural happenstance.

Anyways, there’s pretty much about a week left until I leave to Hawaii! Time sure has flown. Anyways, until tomorrow!

Love,

Me.

Day 42 – February 11th, 2017

Hi there! So today, I was in a bit of a mood when I got to work because the first person I ran into was the manager who denied my raise request, LOL. I just, didn’t want to be there and I was so disheartened by this setback. But, talking to Luna and Sera about Hawaii made me feel so much better.

And then by the end of the night, I ended up having some really good conversations with my coworkers about loving, choosing and taking care of yourself, and how important those things are. All in all, this day started off kind of bad but ended off on a nice strong note.

Oh my dear lord I cannot WAIT until we leave! I STILL can’t believe that this dream is a reality! Never in my life did I ever think I’d be knocking such a bucket-list worthy destination off of my list so soon! But you know what? I’ve saved and I earned this trip and I need to stop feeling guilty. Because, I have been, you know.

I’m going to start saving and pinching every penny once I get back from Hawaii, I swear. I won’t spend any money and I will act like I have not even a dollar to my name, instead of spending my money so carelessly. That’s a huge goal that I would like to achieve for myself – exercising more caution with my spending habits, and really saving money the way I should be. I need to become more responsible for myself.

Anyways, I think that’s about it for today! I’m looking forward to being off from work the next two days, but also, I’m kind of sad because everyone I like is going to be in tomorrow. Oh well! I’ll be back soon.

Love,

Me.